If we were lovers|Sirius Black

Epilogue

Years came between them. Years of them never holding one another, but she was never not there. Bexley saw every moment of his life, every joke, every smile, every tear. Every call for her at night, even well into adulthood, Sirius tortured himself with her photos, closing his eyes and imagining her fingers brushing over his skin, making him feel worthy, making him feel safe.

Because Sirius never felt safe after her death. Going to Azkaban, it broke his heart, but it destroyed Bexley, her boy, her lover, her Sirius. The boy who suffered, the years alone in his cell, sometimes if Sirius blocked out the screams from the other cells, he could still envision her face. Could still feel the warmth of her smile, the tenderness in her touch.

Bexley saw him age, saw him become fragile, but in Sirius's mind, Bexley was still the beautiful girl who taught him, love, taught him sacrifice taught him how to live. So when his own cousin shot that fatal spell, he wasn't afraid, he was hopeful.

Sirius had never been a religious man, but he hoped for more than just death. He hoped to see James, to see Lily, but he hoped he could hold Bexley again. Slipping through the veil was easy, death was quicker than falling asleep, it was almost friendly.

Welcoming him home.

At first, he was a little startled by the white lights and he almost laughed at how typical the whole thing was. But he didn't feel alone anymore, and whether this was his imagination or some form of heaven, it didn't matter, because once he saw the face of James Potter bounding towards him, Sirius wondered why more people hadn't escaped here.

Why more people didn't fall into constant sleep, why didn't people slip into the world made of their memories. But he shook it from his head, because it was cowardly, Sirius thought life was pointless we all die in the end. But here, as he saw James approaching and he noticed how precious life was. It was because we only had one shot that made it important, you have one chance, you make sure people remember your name.

You make sure you choose your family, you fill yourself with love. Treat yourself how you'd treat someone you love, because you wouldn't abandon someone you love.

James wasn't old, he wasn't scarred with lines of age, he instead had that same boyish charm as Sirius remembered. James was mature, but before life could beat him down. Still had his glasses slipping down his nose and still had Lily's hand firmly in his.

"Took your time." It was impossible Sirius countered, to see James was one thing, but to hear his voice, to see him formulate language and to speak. This had to be real. Hadn't it?

"You should have had so many more years." Lily smiled sympathetically, but he didn't want the sympathy. He wanted this, wanted to be there with them and for once,  Sirius found himself proud of how selfish he was being in this moment. This was all he had wanted for years. Sirius had never asked for happiness again after the Potters death, he just asked for a little less hurt, a little less pain. Maybe this was his reward.

"I- Is this real? I mean-"

"It doesn't matter Pads. Because if it isn't real, I'm sure as bloody hell not leaving you alone any time soon. If it isn't real, then I suppose you wouldn't want to go see her?"

"She's here?"

Lily nodded, taking Sirius's hand in hers, they led him slowly, like a child learning to walk, he had no idea where he was or what was happening. But the only certain thing was that he would see Bexley again. Unless this was Hell and a sick joke.

The world around them began to materialise, and it was as they reached the outskirts, Sirius realised it was Hogwarts. His heaven- it was Hogwarts. It was his home. Inside the walls of Hogwarts, everything and anything was possible, it was perfection.

Lily and James stopped at the top of the hill, they should be overlooking Bexley's headstone, they should be crying. But instead, under the willow tree, laid a woman. A woman with a book in her hand, shielding the sun from sight, Sirius stopped.

"If this isn't real just tell me." He turned to his friends, James's arm securely around Lily.

"I know nothing good has really happened for you Sirius, I know life has treated you poorly, but this is your second chance. This is happiness, that's her, there under your tree waiting for you. Sirius, she's been waiting all those years, don't keep her waiting any longer."

"What if she doesn't recognise me?" Looking at his hands, he wasn't like anything Bexley would remember, he had aged, he had grown. But so had she, they were children when they fell in love, and they would be adults when they would finally return home to one another.

But he couldn't run to her. Not if she was an apparition, not if he was going to wake up someplace different without her. No, he couldn't lose her again. Perhaps the greatest grief was to be left on Earth when another is gone, but what triumphed this was the promise of seeing them again. The hope that you'll be reunited, because if that doesn't come true-what did he have left?

"Sirius." Lily took his hands in hers "If your love was real, why can't this be? You will always be her Sirius. She's been looking over you all these years, believe me, she knows you. Don't ask any more questions, now go to her." With a light push, Sirius started down the hill, his feet barely carrying him as his heart raced frantically. Was this it? Was he going to be reunited with the other half of himself? Was he finally going to be able to feel whole again?

Bexley looked the same, her eyes still inquisitive, her nose scrunching as she read. Her fingers turning the pages with such delicacy. She looked exquisite. Standing by her feet, he smiled, Sirius remembered every lunch they spent under this tree, every greeting, every hug, every kiss like it was yesterday.

Lowering her book, Bexley's eyes glistened with tears of longing, holding years of love for the man she was taken from far too soon.

"Hello, stranger."

It was with ease the way he collapses at her feet, it's a daydream the way her arms wrap around him and it's heaven the way she holds him. Because these feelings are far too visceral for this not to be real, his tears were far too raw for her to not be real. So Sirius became a man of faith, he believed in a higher power, because it was her. It had always been Bexley, and it would forever be her.

So when she smiles at him, it's not goodbye. It's gorgeous and welcoming and warm and it's home. And it's like the first time he held her, the first brush of her hair against his nose, the first feeling of her heartbeat against his. And through all the irony, Sirius felt alive, he felt awake, he had his eyes wide open and he never wanted to miss life again. Never wanted to know what it was like to miss her again.

"I would have come sooner if I knew you were waiting for me." He mumbles into her neck.

"I told you, my love, I will always be waiting for you."

Suddenly they're ripped into being alive. There are years of pain and suffering and horror tainting their skin. But my god, when they hold each other they're alive and it is spectacular.

This is their epilogue, this is their ending.

This is what lovers deserve.

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It's been a while...I wasn't going to do this but I thought why the heck not.
My story my rules.

Love, M.