If we were lovers|Sirius Black

Smile.

It was quiet. Mid-spring. The air was still, except for the odd breeze, it was respectful, poignant even. Dumbledore was kind enough to let them have the ceremony on Hogwarts grounds, he prayed it would be the first and last. A handful of people were there, those who knew Bexley, cherished her as much as Sirius did. They all hugged him and whispered their sympathies as they scattered roses and soil over her, aligning her back with nature. Even the centaurs paid their respects, remembering her soft words. Sirius was the last to leave, he stood beside her as the sounds of civilisation drifted towards the castle.

"What's going to be left of the world if you're not in it? What's going to be left of me?" He spoke almost accusingly. The months had been dreadful, at first it was denial, refusing to believe she would leave him in this world. Then it was mourning, he wasn't just fractured, he was broken, disconnected from the world as it had stolen his light. Lily was the strongest of all, she cried alone, "What would Bexley want" became her comfort and her lie. Because Sirius knew Bexley did not want this.

"You'll be whole. You'll rebuild yourself, steadily." James announced from behind him.

"She rebuilt me, James, and now she's gone, she has done this! She had to save him! My pathetic, stupid little brother!" Sirius pulled at his hair "She left, without me."

Lily appeared from behind James, followed by Remus.

"Say her name, Sirius."

"No."

"Say it." Lily provoked.

"Leave me alone!" Sirius roared.

"NO! YOU THINK SHE JUST LEFT YOU? HOW DARE YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FORGET HER. HOW DARE YOU GO MONTHS WITHOUT SPEAKING HER NAME, AND HOW DARE YOU PUSH US AWAY." Lily pushed his chest roughly, her small fists colliding with him over and over. "How dare you, pretend that forgetting her is an option." Lily looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. "You will remember her, and you will not forget Bexley Lupin, do you hear me?" Her hands became soft as she pulled him into her, his face buried in her hair.

"I miss her, and most of all I miss that I can't love her anymore Lily, I love her and it's excruciating." His body went limp as he crumbled to the floor, Lily cradled him as James and Remus sat beside him, soothing Sirius.

"You will always love her, and it'll be a privilege." Remus addressed. They stayed like this a while, lost in each other's arms, this was family and they were there to stay and as they remembered Bexley, for the first time, they laughed, they smiled at their youth and what it felt like to be alive. They made a pact, they would live, and they would do so for her, clasp every opportunity with both hands and fill themselves with vitality.

"I say," Lily whispered as she wiped away a stray tear "we head to the Three Broomsticks and raise a glass. How does that sound?" She asked Sirius tenderly.

"Sounds like a plan." He smiled that boyish grin that had been absent for some time. "I'm just going to speak to her for a moment, I'll meet you down there." With smiles and hugs, they departed, Sirius waving them off, he turned to her grave. "We're going to have a toast in your honour, James will most definitely get pissed." Sirius chuckled lightly.

"I'm going to do it, Bexley, I'm going to be the man you knew I could be. I promise you, I won't let you down. You'll never leave me, not really because you'll always be in here." his hand hovered over his heart. "I guess I'll have to start living for myself now, I can't promise that I won't make mistakes because we both know I seem to be talented at that. I think I'll be okay, I won't have an option with that lot." Sirius looked over his shoulder as his friends rambled over the hillside. "Well, guess I should catch them up. I'll come back tomorrow and the day after, I hope you don't get sick and tired of my ugly mug." He sighed, his eyes longingly reading her name carved into the white stone over and over.

"You were never supposed to mean this much to me, but I'm glad you do because I wasn't living until I met you, Bexley. I don't know if I'll see you again, but I will never forget you, Morgan." Sirius's fingers ran along her name, choking on his breath.

"We were lovers."

Departing, he called for the Marauders, running to catch them up, and with one last glance over his shoulder, he saw her. He didn't know how, grief, madness or the pure longing to see her, she was just there. He felt stupid for smiling but he did, and to his complete joy, she smiled back.