⚠️ Uncensored Profanities 🤬
⚠️ Other trigger warnings
Random
Plotless
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I'm a mess right now, inside out
I counted in my head.
1...
2...
3...
Exhale.
1...
2...
3...
Inhale
1...
2...
3...
Exhale
I repeated the action for over ten times but it's the same, my chest feels tight and I am having difficulty in breathing. I reached for my inhaler at the bed side cupboard but it wasn't there.
"Fuck" I said softly.
I get up from bed and sat on the bedside, both my feet dangled outside of bed. I propped my elbows on my knees, bend over and closed my eyes. I just need to be calm, steady my breathing and everything will be alright.
I can feel my heartbeat, it's fast. Fast like I've ran a marathon. I could even count it without finding my pulse. It was loud, like a literal banging on my chest. It wanted to come out.
I can feel my consciousness slowly wearing out, but I can't. I had to stay awake. My head feels light and I am getting tired even though I'm just sitting. The loud banging in my chest resonated throughout my system and now feels like it's lulling me to sleep.
"Unnie?" I heard.
"Unnie are you okay?" She asked again.
"Do you want me to call an ambulance? Or should I drive you to the hospital?" She bombarded me with questions even though she knows I won't answer it.
I raised my right hand gesturing her to stop and luckily she gets what I mean.
"Sorry" she said.
I am sweating profusely. I can imagine myself with steam emitting through my skin and it dissolve into thin air. Slowly my breathing gets steady and my heartbeat is slowly going back to normal.
I felt the bed shifted and suddenly she's in front of me. Sitting on the floor while reaching for my hand, drawing comfort circles on it. I slowly looked at her and she's so focus in what she's doing.
"Did I w-wake you?" I asked.
"No"
Lies
"Are you okay now?" She asked me and then looked up when I didn't answer.
"Bad dreams?" She asked again and I just nodded.
I dreamt about losing her. And what's painful was she isn't mine to begin with.
How did we end up being like this? I wanted to ask her that, but no words came out of my mouth. I suddenly became mute, because I know that whatever answer I get I will still wake up alone in the morning.
It's always like that. And I'm used to it. We are stuck in a forbidden love.
Craving for something that we can't have.
She stood up, my oversized shirt still looks good on her and her blonde hair falls perfectly just above her waist. She went out of the room without saying anything but soon came back with a glass of water.
"Drink this" she told me and I did.
She sat on the bed just beside me. Silence kept us company. I was the one who broke it first.
"What time are you going home?" I asked her.
"Do you want me?" She asked back.
My cat-like eyes are now full of questions.
"I mean do you want me to go home?" She explained.
I don't know how to respond to that but maybe my eyes says it all.
No. I don't want her to go. I don't want her to leave. I want her. Only her.
She might have get what I wanted to say she shifted on her side and faced me. She tucked some strands of my brunette hair that covers my face just behind my ears. Her thumb rans through my cheek then her left hand did the same on the other cheek. She now cups my face and slowly guided my head to face her.
Slowly, I felt her lips on mine and the burning feeling inside me just burst into colors. I love this girl right here and I don't care about the consequences.
"I'm a big mess and that's the last thing you needed right now. But this mess is in love with you. I can't promise you anything, I can't promise you a flower road, only rough road ahead of us. But I am willing to go through anything. For you, for us" I told her, as her eyes sparkle because of tears.
I wanted to freely fall in love. With all that I am and all that I'll ever be.
Messed up or not.
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Yes. My mind is pretty much messed up.
And this is my escape.
🤘❤️
Was just playing with words and came up with this 700+ word short (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
