unencumbered
Julian waited until she'd binged watch all of Buffy, Angel, and Charmed before he'd had enough, and he dragged her to the stage.
She didn't want to sing, and she didn't want to write. She didn't even want to see Brady Shaw.
Two days later, three songs were written, and she was still there. The boys made sure there was always someone there for her to play it out with.
She was pretty sure that everything she wrote was crap, but Johnny said it didn't matter. What mattered is she got all those feelings out.
Brady loved the goodbye song she wrote her family when she was leaving and after a few tweaks he deem it ready to record.
None of that mattered. On stage with her eyes close and singing her heart out, she found release.
She ate when Julian made her, slept when he pushed her into the couch, then she left it all on the stage.
Brady lived for the raw life he heard in her voice. He said she sounded better than she'd ever sounded.
Aunt Sarah came to listen. Mel and her freaky alien. Frick and Annie, who danced with wild abandonment. Haylie and Lainey.
Frey came every night. She was always one of the last to leave.
On the third night it was well after two in the morning and Julian was crashed on the sofa. Brady was around somewhere, but the only one still there to listen was Frey.
She sat glued to every note, so Jess sang her a song about how love was about never giving up.
When the song ended, she was tired to her very soul. She stood on the stage a long time, too tired to do anything but battle the tears that wanted to fill her eyes.
She stood there for so long that she forgot the other girl was there until she spoke.
"You did. You gave up on him."
"Is that what you think?" Jess couldn't fight the tears any longer. "Then why is he the one who no longer feels the same way?"
Frey brushed her own tears away.
Jess took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about Pensley. I hope he's okay."
"He is not. All the doctors say he will come back to me, but I cannot feel him. He has been inside of me my complete life and now he is gone. Everything is gone. Is that the way you felt all those months when you could not find Kellum?"
Empty. Lost
"Pensley saw it. He said you would be hidden in the dark and now so is he. I used to come here so I could feel something. Now I wish I could go back to feeling nothing."
"Me too."
"I am lost. What should I do?"
"You find something to hold on to." Her answer came easily for someone barely hanging on. "Why do you still come here?"
"I know not. There is nowhere else for me."
"It's because feeling something, even pain, is better than feeling nothing."
Jess took off the guitar and hopped down from the stage. "When you saw my pain at losing my mom, you said that the love that was killing me was the same love that was healing me. Maybe it's time for both of us to find that. You're coming home with us."
"I am not human. I am not strong enough to endure how I feel."
"That's because you're trying to find strength in the wrong places."
She took Frey's hand and walked her over to where Julian was sleeping. His hair still looked perfect. She didn't know how in the hell he always managed that. His mouth was slightly open, and he snored lightly. "This is where it comes from. The people who sleep on a couch three times too small for them, just so they can be close in case you need them. It comes from a little girl drawing you a picture of her giving you a hug. My aunt keeps cooking my favorites, and she gave me the bottle of perfume that my mom loved. I know how much it meant to her and I know she was saving it because she doesn't know if she'll ever find any more, but she gave it to me. It never stops to amaze me at the love I have in my life. Even after everything I've been through, after everything I've lost, I still have so much. Come home with me and I'll help you find your strength."
