unnerve
Only a heartbeat later, he was standing in front of her.
His hands were laced behind his back, like he was calm, but she could tell he was anything but calm. Her being on the run all day had affected him. He gave a quick look around them. "Dezrick, run a scan."
There was a moment of recognition in his eyes, but it disappeared quickly. He remembered, but it didn't hold any genuine feelings for him.
"Jessalynn, what assistance do you require?"
"The area is clear, my King."
"Are you unwell, Jessalynn?"
"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty damn sick."
"Dezrick, I want medical___."
"They can't help me." Jess sighed and accepted it was time for her to stop being a pathetic wuss. It was time for her to be all in. "Only you can help me."
His eyes finally met hers.
"Sit, Kellum."
Frowning, he eyed the area again.
She patted the empty place on the stairs next to her.
He really didn't want to. After half a heartbeat, he came towards her and sat. "Is there a reason we are here? Or a reason you have been ignoring the concerns of everyone all day long? I have___."
"A meeting? I can imagine. You're my mate, aren't you, Kellum? You used to believe that would never change, do you still believe that?"
"Yes."
"And isn't it your job to see to my well-being no matter what that calls for?"
"Tell me what you need, and I will give it to you if I can."
"For now, can you just sit with me."
There was so much she wanted to say, but first she needed the strength that only being with him could give her. She moved closer to his side so that their arms were touching.
She was unsure how long they sat there in silence as she went over everything in her head. Everything in her heart. Even now she wanted to run from the truth, but she wouldn't allow herself to do it. She moved closer to him and pray for strength.
"I want them to pay for what they took from us."
"I have given a lot of thought to that subject and no matter the form of punishment I think up, I never feel satisfied it is enough."
"I start off wanting them punished, then I realize it's my fault. All of it is my fault. I was waiting for someone to tell me you and I wouldn't work. I was waiting for someone to give me a reason to run."
"They had no right to make you feel the way they did. I watched all the videos. You just needed more time."
"Maybe." She looked at him. "I owe you an apology."
"No, you do not."
"Yes, I do. Dozens of them."
"Mates do not apologize to each other. They are the one person they never need to apologize to. Because to hurt the other is to hurt themselves."
Jess looked at him for a long time. He looked anywhere but at her.
"I can see that. I've been hurting us both since the moment I realized you were someone who could destroy me."
Dude couldn't look more uncomfortable.
"I am unsure of what you want from me, Jessalynn."
"I should have shown you the mark. I should have come to you about what the advisors wanted."
"You did what you thought was best."
"I grab the first opportunity and I ran."
"You were trying to help your people."
"I didn't need to." She finally admitted what she hadn't been able to admit to herself. "You would never have left us to fight them alone. You would have never left me."
She let her tears splash onto her cheeks as she willed him to look at her. When he did, she held his eyes. "Deep down I knew that. I was just scared of loving you the way I did. The way I do. My dad is right, I'm not like him. I'm like my mom and that is even more scary than being like my dad. When I love someone, it's forever. All this time I thought I feared being like him, but I feared being like her. I feared being left to love someone who could leave me."
"I could never leave you."
"I know that. Even then, I think I did. That kind of fear would be hard for you to understand. At least it would have been hard for you to understand then, but not now. Now you're scared too. I've been so scared and broken that I never stopped to see that you're broken too. And I'm the one who broke you. Not the advisors."
When she touched his cheek, he pulled away before he could catch himself. More tears dropped to her cheek. "I'm the only one who had the power to hurt you like that."
She touched his cheek again, knowing he wouldn't allow himself to pull away this time. "I'm sorry, Kellum. Sorry that I was too afraid to tell you how I felt. I'm sorry I was too scared to trust you. To trust us. I'm sorry that when I got back, I was hurting so much that I couldn't see that you are hurting too."
"I am not__."
He could not finish that sentence because it wouldn't be the truth and they both knew it. "You are, but that's okay. I know how to fix you."
His hands tightened into fist. "I have meetings and___."
"And none of it is as important as this. As us. That's what you used to believe. Do you still believe that?"
He was tensed. His eyes still as beautiful as ever but some of the wow missing. He looked away from the intensity of her eyes.
"Yes."
"Then that's a good place to start. Dez, we're coming back."
