He doesn't understand me.
He couldn't possibly understand me.
He was never taken from his parents or tormented by a teacher who was so consumed by power,that he would do anything to get and keep it.
He was never told to not feel his emotions.
He was never told not to love.
He once did love.
He loved Peggy.
I know very little about her.I just know she founded S.H.I.E.L.D.
And that Steve loved her.
And here he is,lying beside me,staring at the cieling like we had done in France.
And I force myself to speak."Who was Peggy Carter?"
My voice strains,and every word that falls from my mouth burns.Not because I know maybe I will regret saying them,but because my throat is on fire.Most of my body is.
I am in pain.
Steve came to see if he could help.
I asked him to lay with me.
And here we are now.
His eyes remain on the cieling."I went to visit her the other day,and she asked to meet you."
I close my eyes,exhaustion weighing down on me heavily."I'd love to meet Agent Carter."
"She was always Peggy to me,"He shifts uncomfortably on the bed."I shouldn't talk to you about this kind of stuff."
I should be offended.Any other time I'd be angered.But I am too tired.In too much pain.
"And why is that?"
"Maybe you shouldn't talk much.You're voice isn't getting much better."
"Answer me,Steve."
I open my eyes nearly halfway,and he turns so that we are face to face."Because..."He trails off,unable to tell a lie."Because she was someone I used to love.And I feel wrong talking to you about that."
"You can talk to me about anything."
He smiles weakly."You sure?"
I nod.
"She was one of the best things that ever happened to me,Nat. She was smart,she was funny,she was pretty,and she loved me too."
I don't want to ask what happened,because I know he hates talking about that.And I don't want to hear about it. I'm depressed enough.
"Can I tell you something?"
I nod.
"You remind me of her."
"No I don't."
"You do."
"Agent Carter was like you.Morals.She was good for the sake of good.Saved New York-"
"She was almost charged with treason for helping Howard Stark try and clear his name.She was defiant among the men she worked with. And you saved New York too,Nat. Quite a few times."
"Did she get charged? You said almost."
"No."
"Why?"
"She proved a point to her chief before he was killed by a man named Ivchenko."
I sit up.And it hurts like hell.But I sit up."Ivchenko?"
"Yes.What do you know know about him?"
Dottie Underwood.
Yelena Belova.
"He was Leviathan."
"Yes? And..."
Her name is Nina.
"Jesus Christ."
"What is it,Natasha."
"We need to get to S.H.I.E.L.D right now."
"Nat! Talk to me!"
"Have you heard about the news while we were in France."
"Sure.Peggy knew...about ...you."
"That broadcast was not supposed to get out,Steve."
"And what does Ivchenko have to do with any of this?"
"Ivchenko never died,and Dottie Underwood is still out here somewhere."
"Your theory being."
"Yelena Belova was created to be an anti me basically."
"Oh my god."
"We need to get to S.H.I.E.L.D."
"You can barely sit up,Natasha."
"Will you just help me up? We don't have time for protest. And we are going to need Peggy-"
"Nata-"
"In her younger self."
