Coulson agreed to let me go home.He said it was ok to be with Natasha while she was grieving.
I just want to go home.
I don't want to see anyone.
Peggy stayed back at S.H.I.E.L.D with the others.She was concerned,but I didn't want to let her in.This is something I want to solve on my own.
I did explain my theory to Coulson about Leviathan meaning to tear us apart,and so he and Peggy began to devise a plan.
I left before I could hear any of it.
I catch a cab to the tower.It's well after midnight now,maybe even 1 or 2,and I am tired.
I do deicde to take the elevator to Natasha's floor,just to see how she is.
She asleep in her bedroom.Or at least acting to be so that I don't bother her.
"Awake or not,I know you hear me.And I'm sorry.For everything.I know you don't want to talk,that's fine.But please don't forget,"I walk to her bed."I love you."
"I know," She whispers."I love you too."
I lean down and roughly kiss her forhead blinking away tears.It is reassuring to hear her say it back.
And I leave.
I take the elevator back down to my floor and shower.
I dress in a t shirt and sweats and throw myself onto the bed.
Although I do not sleep.
I stare at the cieling.
Maybe it has my answers.
Maybe it has all the answers.
To all problems.
The sky.
Anything up actually.
Maybe just looking I'll find my answer.
And I do.
I do.
"Jaxon,"I begin."I know you hear me up there." Tears tumble down my face and onto the pillow."I just want you to know,even though I acted like I didn't like you,you were-an amazing guy.You didn't deserve to die like that.And I swear to you I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch who did this to you.I am.I love you,Kid."
It's not like I had expected an answer,but the silence is painful.
Don't make promises you can't keep,Rogers
~Natasha Romanoff
And I promised her that.
And now I promise him that.
I am going to rip the person who did this to shreds.
For doing what they did to Peggy.
For killing Jaxon.
For framing S.H.I.E.L.D
For brainwashing Ward,even though he'd been working for Hydra,he could have been saved.
For hurting Natasha.
My stong willed,headstrong,sarcastic,beautiful Natasha.
For reducing her to ash.
To nothing.
God help me.
And forgive me for what I am about to do.
