I watch her.I watch her chest rise and fall. I make sure that the rythm does not stop or change. I watch the monitor beside her bed,making sure that the pattern remains the same. I am afraid to lose her.
I am afraid to lose her.
I don't have clearance to be here. She has just entered the "stable" category about an hour ago and I've only been awake a day or so myself. Bobbi is still is critical condition and Hunter stays in her room every single hour of the day.
Coulson and Peggy are dealing with the legal aspect of things. This includes the damage from the battle of Manhattan. The statement of Yelena's death. Whatever they did with Ward. The U.S apologizing to the Avengers. And an agreement to reboot S.H.I.E.L.D.
Bruce refuses to talk to anyone,and busies himself with Fitz and Simmons.
Bucky visits the room every hour or so. He didn't take much damage,but is still scarred like everyone else who fought in this.
The world is a vulnerable place.
And right now,the U.S is fragile and threatening to collapse.
With the president dead,and everyone asking questions with no answers,we may as well surrender to whatever threat lies ahead.
Because there will always will be one. Lurking in the shadows. Waiting to pounce on us at the moment we are unprepared and that is now.
The fact that they thought the military would be able to handle it,bothers me. They did nothing to help us the other day. They just sat back and watched like the rest of America.
But my worry isn't for them. It's for her. For Tony. For Bobbi. For everyone else fighting for their lives right now.
Watching her like this is painful. Watching her do nothing but breath and by that knowing she's alive. It's also terrifying because the minute that breathing stops,she's gone.
I know if I lose her that there is nothing left for me to live for. I have nothing. Nothing else matters more than her to me. Not my will to do good. Not the others. Not S.H.I.E.L.D. If I lose her,then I'm done for.
She likes to believe that she has no impact on the world other than the fact that she has killed half of it's population.
But she'll leave a scar so deep that it will never heal. For many of us.
Maybe for all of us.
Broadcasts of the vice president adressing the nation have continued to corrupt televisions. We've been requested to be honored with metals. Most of us won't be able to make it to that.
There is far too much blood on our hands.
Too many deaths.
Maybe they could have been stopped had we been smarter,but we weren't. We were outsmarted. Distracted. Lied to. Used.
Puns in a game of chess. Easily knocked over and useless.
We were peasents in a game of thrones.
And she almost got it. She almost got her throne. Had they done nothing,she would have brung the world to its knees. And she would've took it's head.
I walk to the chair beside her bed and sit down,not able to stand much longer.
And I just watch.
Talking to her will only make this experience more painful because she won't say anything back. So for the past few hours I've just watched,imaginging the things. Imagining her coming back to us. Imagining those green eyes of hers.
And I dose off in doing so.
I wake to an alarm sounding and I jump out of my chair,looking at the monitor.
"No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no! Help!"I scream."Somebody help,she's slipping."
Nurses rush into the room,pushing me away from the bed.
Their words all echo in my ears. I am frozen to this spot,waiting,watching as they work frantically to bring her back.
I don't know how to comprehend what's going on. I'm terrified.
"Don't do this to me,'Tash,"I whisper."Please don't do this to me."
They put the oxygen mask over her face and rub the petals together."Clear."
Her chest jumps.
Nothing.
I stagger back into the wall as they do it again.
Nothing.
"Please,Natasha. Do this for Steve. Do it for me. Don't die on me."
They do it again.
And her pulse spikes.
I crash to my knees and cry. I sob like a child. The sobs rack my body,causing it to convulse violently.
They work to stabalize her and all I can do is thank god.
Once the nurses are ready to leave,they try and shoo me away."I'm not going anywhere. What happens if she slips again?"
"We'll come."
"I'm not leaving."
"Agent Barton, she isn't stable right now. And you aren't doing much better yourself."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Agent Barton-"
"I'm not going anywhere."
The nurses sigh and leave and I return to my spot beside her bed."You're gonna be okay,Tasha. You're gonna make it."
