I jolt upright,cold sweat pouring down my face.I try to level my breathing,as I bury my face into my hands.
I check the time on the clock beside the bed and realize that it is only 5 o' clock.I know I won't be able to go back to sleep,so I shove the covers away from my aching body and trudge lazily into the kitchen.
I don't eat much of the cereal I make because my appetite ceases to exist.I dump the soggy cereal into the trash and limp to the bathroom,where I shower in cold water.
I decide to leave and walk.Walk to whatever place is open,which so happens to be a rundown bar in Brooklyn.
There are few people here.I can identify them all very quickly.Two prostitutes in the corner,taking refuge here,waiting for a vulnerable and desperate man to enter.A die hard drunk,who continuously nods off and jumps back up screaming strange things.And there is a boy no older than 19 sitting at the bar,dressed in all black,running away from his parents.His problems.
I knaw at my lip until the metallic tasting liquid floods my mouth.
I sit at the very end of the bar and a relatively young boy leans over."Black Widow!"
"Don't get your panties in a bunch ,kid."
"Two Avengers in two days."He chimes.
"What are you talking about,Kid."
"Well Captain America was here yesterday.Pissed...that you,ya know...ditched."
"Thats none of your buisness."
He frowns."Sorry for listening to his problems."He says.
"Whats your name,kid?"
"Jaxon.And i'm 21 so i'm not a 'kid'."
"And Steve talked to you."
"You didn't seem interested a minute ago,Natasha."He says.
"You are really pissing me off,boy."
"Ok,ok,sheesh,calm.Yes I talked to him yesterday.Maybe six-ish.He was pretty pissed about you leaving.I mean at first he kinda talked in riddles but then he spit it out and he said he didn't want to find you because you abandoned the team."
"I didn't abandon anyone,"I hiss.
"Woah,woah.Don't go volatile on me.He said it,i'm just relaying the message."He pauses."Why'd you even leave in the first place.Without telling the team?They're your friends,ya know.Friends have no secrets.Ever heard that phrase before?"
"I left because I had to.I needed space and time away from all the saving and...them."
"Them?What'd they do to you?"
"Why are you so nosy?"
"Dunno." He shrugs."I think thats why my mom threw me out but,I don't believe it."
"I don't know,Jaxon.They're important to me,they are.I just need time to clear my head.And they're distractions.I love them too much,and I have problems I need to deal with in order to be-"
"Loved?In return?Who says they don't already love you,Natasha?"
"I can't tell you that,Jaxon.I can't."
"Is that why you really left?Not because of Yemen,but because you don't believe that you can truly be loved by anyone else."
The words pound on my chest and suck the breath from my lungs."Yes."
He smiles."I'm an absolute genius.Do you think I could be a therapist."
"I don't think that'd be the best move,Jax."
"Yeah, and why not?"
" 'Cause what if we need advice.How're we gonna get it,if you're some hot shot therapist."
"You're right.I have to be here for the Avengers.Except Bruce,ya know, 'cause if I give the dude some bad advice,it could go South real fast."
I chuckle lowly and thank Jaxon."Oh no problem.But I need a quick selfie."
I stand and kiss his cheek."Not gonna happen,Kid."
"Nah,nah,thats-I'm good with that."
