My head spins and I feel nauseaus on my way to the bar.I stop three times to vomit in empty alleyways,but I continue to the bar until I am there.I rush inside and search frantically for Jaxon.
I rush to the bar."Where is Jaxon?"
"He didn't come in today. He called in sick."
"Do you know where he stays or something?"
"I'm his brother,of course I know where he lives."
I am too screwed up to notice the similarities between them.I am too tired to even spot them.I just need to get to Jaxon."Please,could you tell me where he stays?"
"Who's asking?"
"A close friend."
"You aren't his girlfriend or anything are you...wait a minute,wait ,wait ,wait,are you that Black Widow chick?"
"Yes.Now where is Jaxon."
"Holy crap! In my bar.Black Widow is in my bar! Wow! This is-"
"Focus!"
"Oh yeah.He lives near Avengers Tower.A block or two away in those apartments on fifth."
"Thank you,so much."
"What is Jaxon in some kind of trouble."
Yes. Jesus Christ yes.
"No.Thank you.I have to go."
Her name is Nina.
I have the urge to be sick again,but I swallow it down and hurry into my car.
I drive fast and I drive wildly,trying to get to Jaxon. I have to get to him.I have to,or something really bad is going to happen.
I'm an idiot.
I didn't ask what apartment number he lived in.
The world begins to dance in front of my eyes and I have to pull over in order to prevent a crash.
Pull yourself together,Natasha
I shake my head fiercly trying to screw it on straight.Once the world begins to look normal again,I drive.
I drive to fifth and find the building looming over me.
I rush to the back entry,knowing that I am tresspassing but these are exigent circumstances.I run like hell to the front of the apartment building and search for anyone who is coming in,and thankfully there is an older woman entering.
"Excuse me,"
She is startled and drops her things.I don't have time to pick them up for her."Who on Earth are you?"
"Do you know a Jaxon in the building.Tall,he's 22.Brown hair?"
"That fool? I live next door to him."
"What number do you live in ,Miss?"
"7e."
"That means he is in 7d?"
"Yes.What else."
I run up the stairs,reading the number plaques nailed to the wall until I reach 7,and when I reach seven,I push open the door and run down the hall to 7d.
I bang on the door frantically."Jaxon! Jaxon answer the door!"
He doesn't.There is no sound coming from inside this damn apartment.
I kick open the door,and find him on the floor.Gushes from his nose,his mouth,the open wound in his chest.Paints the area around him.Knots together his hair."No,no,no,no,no,no."
I kneel down beside him and he looks up at me."Hey,Tasha."I pull out my phone with shaking hands."I'm as good as gone,Tasha."
"Don't talk like that.You just stay awake for me ,ok?"
"It was Nina."
"It doesn't matter," I say as I dial 911."Just hang in there for me,Baby? Ok?"
"911 what's your emergency?"
"My friend has been shot he's lost a lot of blood."
"We are sending an ambulance.What is your location,Miss?"
"Apratment 7d at the apartment building on fifth."
"Stay calm ma'am."
I hang up.I can't take that.I can't deal with that right now.
"You never told me-" He is cut off by a violent fit of coughing.Tears roll down my face.He has to make it.He is far too young to just be gone."About you and Steve,Tasha."
"We're doing great,"He reaches up and wipes my tears.
"Don't cry for me,ok?"
I smile."Ok,Jaxon."
"Go ahead."
"Yes,we are together.And I am happy."
"That's great,"He whispers.
"Come on,Jax.You gotta stay awake for me,Baby."
"Natasha,you have to let me go.It's ok."
"No it's not ok.I can't lose you,Jaxon."
"Me and my brother ,Jonas,we're just alike.I'm sure he can solve your problems too."
"Jaxon, stop talking like that."
"I'm done for,Natasha.I love you so much.I never told you that before.I love you like a sister-"More coughing.
I don't know how long it takes the ambulance to get here but it feels like eternity.They lift him up on a stretcher and they carry me out with him.Walking me to the ambulance.
They offer clean clothes,but I don't want them.
My head pounds in the rhythm to my heart,which races unnaturally quickly.He has to make it out of this.
Then the sound returns to my ears.I hear everything.Somehow I am in the hospital.I never remember getting out of the ambulance."We're losing him."
They use the defibulator.But he is unresponsive.He can't be gone.Not yet.
They shut me off from him.I don't want to put up a fight and my body prevents me from even attempting to.
Hours later a doctor comes to me in the lobby.The only words I can make out are "Secure" and "die".
He leads me to a small room I know to be the room for patients who are going to die.And there is nothing they can do to stop it.
Jaxon looks up at me."I put up a good fight,don't you think?"
I kneel down beside his bed."Yeah,Jax."
"You'll kick Nina's ass for me won't you,Natasha?"
"Yes."
"You promise me you and Steve will stay together no matter what.And that you'll go to my brother for help."
"I promise,Jaxon."
He holds up his hand for me to take,and he squuezes as tight as he can.I know this method.Once the squeeze weakens,he's gone.And I want to yank my hand free,but I need to feel him before he is gone."I love you,Natasha.You were nice to me when nobody else was.And at my funeral,I need you to tell my mom even though-"He stops,his breath catching in his throat."Tell her..."It's as if I can hear the life leaving his body."I love her."
His grip loosens,though I squeeze."No,Jaxon."
He smiles."Guess I'll never get to give Bruce that advice."
And that's it.His face pales with that mischevious grin on it.
The doctors pull me out of the room and outside I fall.And I keep falling.Into a deep abyss of black and silver.Drowning in tears,deafend by screams.My own screams.
Jaxon is gone.
And this is all my fault.
