Natasha never came back. Coulson turned on the television in his office and we found it all over the news.Every single headline.
"Jaxon Frasier Murdered at the Age of 22."
"Jaxon Fraisier Killed in Apartment."
"Jaxon Fraisier Killed in Cold Blood."
Natasha.
"Sad,"Coulson mutters.
"Natasha knew him."
"Is that why she was so urgent?"
She must feel so terrible right now.She is blaming herself for his murder.
"Had to be."
"We need to get her back here.She knew something,or else she wouldn't have been so..."Coulson shakes his head."Being that scared is not like her."
"Can I go home now?"
I turn as Loki walks into the room.He looks irritated and impatient."Where is...Peggy..."
I stare in astonishment as she enters the room.Just like I remember her.I wrap her in a tight hug."It's been a while since I have been able to do that."
"Margret Carter."Coulson offers his hand and she shakes it.
"Director Coulson."She looks around the room."Where is Natasha?"
"Are you okay to be here with ,Coulson?"I ask her.
"Yes."
"I'll have her when I get back.I know she won't be up for talking much so,"
"I understand."
I take a S.H.I.E.L.D car to the hospital following the directions given provided by the news.
I know Natasha is torn to pieces right now.She and him were close.I knew him,but we didn't talk much.I always thought the kid talked too much.But now I am regretful.Now I feel like an idiot.
And I might just be the last person Natasha wants to see because she knows that.I'm sure Jaxon complained to her about me plenty.And I am a fool for believing other wise.But I have to believe that maybe I can make this better.That maybe I can help Natasha.That maybe this can be resolved.
But I am the naïve kid with morals up to his knees.
And I am stupid.
Maybe this is my fault.
If I had just let her go,would she have gotten there in time enough.
If I had just let her go,would Jaxon still be here,serving her drinks at the bar.
If I had just let her go,would I have been able to apologize for doing Jaxon like I had.
What ifs are bottomless
~Natasha Romanoff
Jaxon is still gone.Natasha might hate me.And there is nothing I can do about this but feel sorry and stupid.
And that's exactly what I feel.
I walk into the lobby of the hospital and there she is.
And she looks awful.
Blood all over her clothes and staining her hands.Her face stained with dried tears.And she just stares forward.Face blank.Pale.She took this really hard.
I sit down beside her,laying my hand on her lap.
"He was 22.He turned 22 while we were in France,"Her voice strains,and so most of her words come out as harsh whispers.
"Are you alright?"
She lays her head on my shoulder,sobbing like a child.A vulnerable child.Scared and alone.
I stroke her hair to console her,tears rolling down my own face."He and I weren't that good of friends,but I know you two were really close."
"He adored you."She hisses.
"I know."
"And all you could do was blow him off because you thought he talked too much."
She has every right to be angry.So does he.I was selfish.I didn't think.I don't think.
"I'm sorry."That's all I can make myself say.If I say much else,i'll just piss her off.
She burries her face in her hands."This is all my fault.There was no way to save him.When I got there ,he was already dead."
I rub her back.But the gesture doesn't belong.It feels wrong.I feel like I should just let her be.
And so I do.
I know even if I try and convince her that this is not her fault,she will only become angry,and I don't want that.So I keep my mouth shut.
There is nothing I can say that will make this better.Jaxon is gone.And that's it.We can't bring him back from the dead.
"Tell me it's ok,tell me something."
"I know you well enough to know you don't want to hear my bs."
She looks back at me,"You never talk like that."
"Yeah,well I am now.I feel wrong and out of place being here.He wanted to be nice to me and I threw him under a bus.I have no right to cry,to feel sad or angry.But I am now,"I shake my head."With myself."
She remains silent.
I don't speak.
And we sit here like this for hours.Hours.Hours.Hours.
And she leaves.She just leaves.No warning.Nothing.She just leaves.
And she is gone.
And that is it.
And I am alone.
Dottie did this to throw Natasha off.Leviathan knows how this works.I don't believe Ward was paid at all.There is a grander scheme to this.
This man means to rip us apart.
One by one.
Bit by bit.
And I fear he may have already gotten to Natasha's head.
