Steve and I walk to Coulson's office.He turns to face us and smiles."Good you're here."
"Whats going on,Coulson,"
"We're not exactly sure thats the problem."He directs our attention to a monitor on the wall."We believe its a Hydra base on the French countryside,but we can't be sure.We've been monitoring it on and off for a few months now and believe that its the right time to investigate on it."
"Hydra? Again?"
"Yes and no.We believe these soldiers were trained by your guy ,America."
"Bucky?"
"I mean why not,he's the Hydra assett."I say sitting on Coulson's desk.
"Correct.Thats why this is a very dangerous mission."
"It was dangerous before you told us about,Bucky."
"Elaborate,Natasha."
"You want to send us into a Hydra base,blind."
"Not blind.You didn't let me finish."He circles two points outside the apparent Hydra base."Our intellegence community in France confirmed that these are Hydra camps.Neutralized when S.H.I.E.L.D was taken down."
"So,thats why you think this is a Hydra base?"
"Yes,"
"This sounds really fishy,Coulson.Even if the two camps were neutralized already,then why was the base left untouched?"
"Because we were not able to connect any of the assosciates within the building to Hydra."
"So why now.Why are you connecting the dots now?"I ask a bit aggiatated,but intrigued by the mission,and skeptical all at once.
Coulson pulls up a chart."These are the stats for nuclear weapon purchases over seas for the last few months since S.H.I.E.L.D was taken down."He circles the latest months."Notice once we were determined that Hydra had nothing to do with this base,the number spiked drastically.Doen't make any sense to me."
"You think they wanted to throw us off."
"I know they wanted to throw us off.Its part of the matra.Cut off one head two will grow back.We got rid off a camp,they come back with a whole base."
"How dangerous are we talkin' here,Coulson?"
"High profile.Thats why I only want the best of the best."He shrugs."This is a very risky mission here.We can't send in ameatures."
"How do we get out of this if things get critical."
"Thats for you to decide.S.H.I.E.L.D is still in hot water with the government,we don't need coverage all over the news saying theres an underground movement going.People are unsettled enough about us as is,we don't need to set them off more."
"So,we have a ride there,but we don't have one back?"
"Thats just the way it has to be Captain.I'm sorry."
"What if we get killed out there?"Steve asks agiatated.
"Why do you think I called you two in on this Cap'n?I trust you to hold your own out there in the field.Deprature is at six.Get some sleep."
Steve storms out of the office and I follow after him."Hey!"I call.
He turns to face me."Whats wrong?"He asks his voice softening in tone and his shoulders relax.
"Goodnight."
He looks taken aback,but he smiles."G'night."
I pull him into a hug laying my head on his firm chest."It feels good to have you back,Steve."
"It feels good to have you back,Natasha."He leans down and kisses my cheek and walks away without another word.
I stand paralyzed caught completely off guard.I feel vulnerable standing here,though I can't help it.This is what I want.This is what I crave.Though I want something more than some peck on my cheek.
I need much more than that.
The peck may surfice tonight,but I know I need more than what has been given to me at this moment.Soon I will need to feel his lips on mine.To exeperiece the rush of a kiss.A long lingering kiss.
And then reality wraps its bony fingers around fantasies throat.I can never have what my fantasies hold.He is a man with morals I don't abide by and never have.He is more of a man or person than I will ever be.
I'm going to hurt him in ways I could never imagine if we get too close.I know that.I need to love him from a distance. A safe distance in order to save him from that.We can never have what I want,we can't,because I can never change.
I have never felt this way before.Uncertain of myself.Asking questions I have no answer to.Never has this happened.
I feel stupid then realizing whats wrong with me.I am in love.Yes,I've established that,but then the realization actually slaps me in the face.
I'm in love with Steve Rogers.
I can feel the emotions I despised the very thought of.
Emotions that should not be felt becasue I don't want to hurt anyone.Emotions that should not be felt because love is for children,and I am not a child.
I am the Black Widow.
One who is not capable of loving such a fragile person.
