Pursuit of the Whole

XXVIII. Full Undivided Attention

Sometimes, I would stare at the pictures on the wall.

The ones when I was younger - full of smiles and dreams.

Unlike others, I know when they died.

They died when I was on the verge of my death bed. When I realized the world is much larger than I could handle. There weren't any heroes and villains - just people.

Insignificant people that only hold some sort of significance if the mass gave it to them.

It's a negative outlook in life - I know.

And unlike others who rise above it.

Overcome their problems.

Move forward, not backward.

Whatever inspirational quotes that's out there.

I didn't.

And as I grew up, I found that my actions were much more common than people would think. Those who gave up outweigh those who kept on fighting. In history books, few names are recognized, and society remembers even fewer names. And if you keep reading, you would see mentions of masses who...died.

There weren't any mentions of their names.

They didn't do anything considered worthy of being mentioned.

That's the mass.

I fell into the mass.

Which makes me...normal.

How do I feel about being...normal?

Not necessarily much.

It's not because I'm emotionless.

It's called acceptance.

Do I have the ability to make a change?

Of course, I do.

Everyone does.

But, we choose not to.

We choose to live in our bubble.

Because changes bring fear, and fear ultimately brings...hatred.

To be significant - someone who changes the course of history.

You have to be ready to face the consequences...the hatred.

I'm not...and I don't think I will ever be.

Perhaps, that's the reason why I haven't made a decision about Kai - what to do with him. I'm afraid to make a decision - to bear the consequences.

"Julia!" Brenda pops out, "The boys are here! Let's go!"

I turn towards the mirror and fix my bun. Inside the living room was Brian, Eric, and...Marcelo.

I have a feeling he is a part of the group, whether I like it or not.

Marcelo looks at me with such intensity. It almost makes me want to vomit.

Brian and Eric did their usual idiotic whistling and praising. Then, of course, Brian had to remind Brenda that he wasn't whistling at her.

My eyes went back towards Marcelo to see his next move. I straightened out the long blue dress when he didn't say anything. I saw myself in the mirror earlier, and I didn't look that bad.

He smiles and hollers along with the idiots.

Brenda leans in towards me, "Definitely not a textbook."

When I heard one step after another, Kai appeared. He's dressed in a large coat with a wig. "I'm ready!" Kai is sleeping over at Rubi's house. Ever since the talk he had with Marcelo, Kai had been a bit happier.