Pursuit of the Whole

LVI. To Be Better

I cannot believe it, she knows.

"We know."

They know.

I'm too shocked even to respond.

Mom crosses her arms, "Julia. We allow you to get away with so many things over the years, but this is the last straw!"

"Well-"

"You do not get away with sneaking out to have unprotected sex while the town is hunting us down."

I chuckle, "Town. Isn't that exaggerating? I mean half of the population at m-" I stop talking when her face turns redder.

"Come with me."

I followed her out of the living room and into the guest room. Mom rummages through the cabinets and pulls out a box. She gave me the plan B pill. I hug it. "Thank you."

Mom presses her face into her face and sighs deeply before she sits down on the chair. "What I want to know is - why?"

I smile uncomfortably, "You already know - why."

"I want to hear it from your lips."

"I'm...I'm his mate."

"And?"

"I may or may not like him."

"Julia. Was that so hard?"

"It's killing me."

She gave me an - unbelievable - gesture.

"It's hard because he's leaving in a few months, and I'm not going to go with him."

Mom's facial features made a complete 180.

"It's hard because I'm developing feelings for him and his sarcastic nature, knowing I can't be the luna he wants."

The box in my arms trembles lightly.

"It's hard because I know he can't fully love me the way I want him to love me because hunters killed his mom."

My sight went blurry.

"It's hard because he wasn't supposed to find me."

It feels like it's getting harder to breathe.

"It's hard because I'm scared that if he ever finds out what happened to me when I was younger, he would think I'm d-dirty."

Mom hugs me, "Hey. Hey," she said softly. "It's okay, honey. You don't have to explain it to me anymore. You're not in trouble."

I know it's silly to think that Marcelo may think I'm dirty because I know he wouldn't. He isn't the type of guy who would think that way towards a victim.

I'm a victim of rape.

I know it.

But, for some odd reason, I don't want him to find out.

Find this stain in my history.

This part of my memory I'm not and will never be happy about.

My legs went weak, and I slowly fell to the ground. Mom had her arms wrapped around me the whole time.

I know what this is.

I'm having a breakdown.

I'm not surprised.

I saw it coming.

For months, I've been holding back my emotions not only for Marcelo but towards Kai and myself. The more I'm with Kai, the more I see my past self.