Mr. and Mrs. Styles (Zarry)

Chapter 47

It wasn't a surprise when it happened, Harry was never the one to keep his emotions locked down, or to ignore them, he is the one who would act them out, show them loud and clear. It didn't matter what was the emotion, anger, happiness, sadness, confusion, whatever it was he was clear with them. So yeah, when he finally broke down and cried his eyes out he wasn't surprised, he didn't bother with controlling the tears anymore, no one was there to see them anyway, no one was there to hear him.

Gripping the bench seat, he tried to even his breathing, to keep himself from collapsing, he felt like he was going under, drowning, he could feel his lungs burning out, the guards he had around him were shattered and all he needed was someone to help him through the pain, but he kept questioning himself, did he even deserve someone to save him? Did he deserve to be saved?

All those thoughts were wrecking him, he felt like his nerves were breaking through the shell of his skin, burning inside but shaking like a baby in cold winter.

Putting both of his hands on his mouth to stop the scream from escaping out was only making him chock on his sobs, he felt tired, like the game was over for him, like all those 10 years of trying and working so hard to be the man he is now, to get him back, was just a waste, "what am I supposed to do now?" he asked himself, pulling his hair off his face, then he looked up to the sky, "what am I supposed to do now big guy? I can't- not without him,"

His green eyes were shining in the gray moonlight as he kept looking at the sky like he was waiting for an answer from God, "where is he?" he asked, suddenly all he could think about was this tiny question, "can he hear me? Can he see me?"

Another wave of emotions hit him, like a slap on his face, he wished he could've changed himself, he wished he didn't felt the need to have Zayn in his life, to be loved by him, none of these would've happened, he didn't have to go through these feelings if he just could've let him go. All he has is just memories now, it hurt him so bad that all he wanted was to just let it all go, let Zayn go, he wanted to just run away, he hated to feel this broke, this vulnerable.

Harry's whole world revolved around him, Harry knew it, Liam knew it, and that scared them both.

Who else knew how Harry depends on Zayn? Donya.

She was devastated when Liam called her, she cried her eyes out for an hour in her house, she kept crying through her drive to the hospital, but she knew someone had to be strong for Harry, someone had to let Harry cry and calm him down. She already had time to deal with the thought of this day, but Harry? He was hit by the fact.

Running through the hospital hallways to find a familiar face, she was met with very tired looking Liam and another guy next to him, "Li?" Donya called, eyes bloodshot but she kept herself from crying, Liam got up to give her a hug the second he saw her.

"he is in ICU, he is stable for now, they are looking for a heart transplant for him, I'm so sorry Doni," Liam explained before Donya could ask, I mean asking about something like this could be harder than anyone can imagine.

Louis stood up next to Liam, "this is Louis, my boyfriend, Louis this is Donya, Zayn's sister."

They nodded to each other, both sad that they had to meet in a situation like this.

"so, where is Harry?" Donya asked finally, "is he- is he here?" for a second the fear of Harry leaving cause he couldn't deal with what he was going through crushed her, "of course he is here, he is out to get some fresh air,"

Donya nodded and got up, "I'll go find him."

And honestly, it wasn't that hard, just find the quietest place and watch out for the silent cries, the hard part was approaching Harry, who was in his own world, talking to himself, or to his God?

"Harry?" she mumbled, sitting next to him on the bench, "Donya? I-" he didn't get to finish his words, she embraced him in her arms, and he didn't know he needed to be held like that, but he was desperate for it, so he just shut his eyes and cried his heart out, he hugged her like she would disappear if he let go, "I'm so sorry," he choked out between his cries.

"look at me Harry," she detached herself from him, but Harry refused to look her in the eyes, he was embarrassed, he couldn't take care of his husband, not like he wanted to.

"it's not your fault, God knows that all I want is to blame it on someone, anyone," it was true, it was hard for her to accept that it was out of their power to help him, "you didn't know Harry, hell, I didn't know, not till just a couple of days ago, and you know what? He wanted this, he was tired Harry, he didn't let me help him even, he said he had it under control, he even fooled me, Harry, it was nothing we could do."

Harry bit on his lips, then he laughed, "that's my problem Doni, I couldn't give him a safe place to feel like he could share with me, he hid it away from me, I couldn't gain his trust, now all I can do is to wait and pray!" he was mad at himself, he blamed himself.

Donya shook her head, she knew this was not the case, far from it, "don't, don't do this to yourself, Harry he was the happiest man he could've ever been around you," this time Harry shook his head in disagreement, "believe me, we talked about it, he was feeling the safest for so long, in fact, he felt the most alive that he forgot about his condition of 10 years even."

Harry stared at her, to see if he can detect any lies, till it hit him, the doctor said 10 years, she is saying 10 years, "wait, 10 years? he had the problem when he-"

"yes, he was sick when he left you,"

Harry lost his breath for a second, "no- no, he was ok! He-"

"Harry listen to me, imma tell you what he told me," she closed her eyes for some moments, "so we know when he left, you two were at the worst days of yourself, economically," Harry nodded, "you used to come home so late, waking up too early in the morning to keep the roof above your heads, to help Zayn finish his studies, and finish your own studies," Harry didn't want to cry, but damn, those days were the worst of his life, "hell, you helped me to hide away from my husband, that was when he was told about his condition, so he had two options, one he could've told you and make you work even harder, or he could've just left you, to take care of his condition himself,"

Before Harry can say that he preferred to have Zayn in his life rather than being miserable without him, Donya said, "and if he would've chosen the first one, you would've never been who you are now Harry, he didn't want to be the one who stopped you from growing," she huffed, "he didn't even tell me, that bastard, knowing that I was a single parent and I had a child that I had to keep safe, he didn't want to bother me,"

Harry was silent for some time, gulping down his sobs, "does this supposed to make me feel better? Cause all I can think now is how I couldn't take care of him then and I couldn't do it now,"

"yes, you should gather yourself, you should be strong for him, you know why?" Harry kept his head low, "cause my brother needs you, he left to take care of you, now it's your turn to take care of him."

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hello beautiful people!

i tried to be faster this time, hope this was good enough aaaaanddddddd hope this chapter cleared some stuff out for you.

thanks for reading guys.

love you all!