Forbidden Hope | H.S.

34

TW// Self-harm, suicidal actions.
Please read with caution.

After Harry and I broke up I felt numb. I didn't cry, I felt nothing. I blocked all my emotions out and the scariest thing is I can't get them back. I moved in with Niall and Athena after I was released. Slapping a fake smile on your face can get you a long way.

Niall knew I wasn't any better. He could see through the fake smiles easily but he never pushed me to be happy. Caroline has been around a lot recently. Having finally graduated from high school she moved in here. I always thought she was going to go to college but she decided not to at the last minute as Niall brought up his concern about her leaving and him not being around to protect her.

Caroline and I have been catching up recently on everything that's happened these past three months. She knows about what happened to me the first time I went missing, and she knows about my most recent kidnapping.

Caroline knows everything that has happened to me. I made her swear she wouldn't tell Niall or anyone else. She updates me on what's happening around the base. She was inducted a couple of days ago so she won't be around as much anymore which I don't mind.

Athena is finishing up school. Apparently, there's a population of kids that live here because their parents are in the gang so she goes to class with 5 other kids which is nice.

Caroline was telling me how at graduation they gave my mom my diploma and they had dedicated graduation to me. My mom has also been working with people to try and open a scholarship in my name.

She wants to call it the Hope Anderson Memorial Scholarship where the money will go to one student majoring in criminal justice to help pay for their education. I thought it was sweet and I'm glad now that there's a chance someone could do what I'd be doing if my life was normal.

The voices have gone away for the most part. Only coming back when they feel like I haven't been suffering enough. I confided in Caroline and told her about what was happening and she suggested I talk to my doctor and have him maybe up the meds. He said that when I finish this bottle, he'll change the prescription, and then I'll have to get used to the hormonal imbalances again.

As for Harry and I, we're done. I knew that it was too good to be true but I tricked myself into thinking it could work.

But there's nothing I can do.

That's just the way life is.

Ever since I got back all my days consist of laying in bed, watching Netflix, falling asleep, and eating. I mean it's probably what I would've done anyways but knowing I have no one to hold me, talk to me, kiss me, makes it harder. I sigh and get up out of bed turning off the tv getting myself ready to look presentable.

Today will be the day I ask.

I grab my clothes putting on leggings and a long sleeve t-shirt. I'm still not comfortable wearing anything that exposes my skin. At least I can look at myself now with barely any clothes on. I brush my hair, throwing it into a messy bun as I walk downstairs. I see Caroline sitting on the couch and I wave to her. "

Hey, where's Niall?" I ask and she just shrugs.

"Work like usual. Where are you going?" she asks, looking at my outfit and then back to the tv.