Drowning in Blood

15 ~ Alcohol You Later

Anger is a valid emotion. It's only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don't want to do

My alarm clock goes off but I'm already up. I haven't been able to sleep. I've been thinking about how much I messed up. How mad everyone was at me. I've never screwed up a mission. Ever. I don't mess up. But I let my emotions get to me.

I turn it off and get out of bed dragging my ass to the shower. I wash up and throw on Tristan's black sweatpants and Dylan's army green hoodie. It's my favourite hoodie. It always smells like him too.

I don't bother to put makeup on but I gain the energy to brush my hair out. I head straight downstairs seeing Chase doing work on the couch. I get close enough to realize it's based on the mission I messed up.

"Morning," I greet walking past him. He doesn't say anything back. I sigh, heading to the kitchen and pouring myself out coffee.

"Hi Chase," I smile, hopeful when he walks into the kitchen. He pours himself coffee and exits without a second glance. I hate this. Now he's ignoring me.

"Oh you're here," I say, realizing Antonio is in the kitchen. He doesn't say anything either. "Antonio?" I question. He looks over at me before rolling his eyes and walking out of the kitchen.

As much as I don't care about people. It hurts that the boys are actually ignoring me. I didn't realize I fucked up this much. Fuck this! I never used to have emotions or feel bad or shit. Maybe this friendship thing is too much because now I care. But guess what. From now on; I don't anymore.

I open the cupboard and grab a blue tin water bottle. I open it up before walking to the other side of the counter. Where the alcohol is.

I mix in a bunch of liquor until it fills about halfway. I open the fridge and pull out fruit punch and sprite. I fill the water bottle the rest of the way and shake. I grab my car keys and phone before walking out of the house. I make sure to slam the door so they know I left.

•••

I make it to school with two minutes to spare. Except I didn't bring a backpack again. I have class with Zach and Jenny right now. Math. I walk to class alone since everyone is in class right. I make sure to bring my water bottle. Filled to the rim still since I haven't had any yet. I spent five minutes looking for my class. Stupid change of classes. I finally find it and walk in ignoring the teacher.

"You look like shit," Zach says with a smile as I approach them.

"Thanks," I roll my eyes and sit next to Zach in the far right corner. Jenny is seated in front of me. I open my water bottle and begin slowly sipping. The burning effect slowly takes my mind off things.

And that's just the burning effect.

•••

"Charm!" Tristan shakes my shoulders back and forth.

"Huh sorry," I mumble.

"Lunch. You keep falling asleep. Did you sleep last night," he asks. Concern etched on his face.

"Uh no. I'll be fine," I tell him. He holds out his hand helping me. He picks up my water bottle for me and my heart stops as he shakes it.

"Here, drink more water, it'll help you. Drink half. That's like four more sips," he encourages handing me back my water bottle.

I take a few more swigs bringing me to a little more than half the bottle done. Tristan and I walk to lunch. That's when I feel the dizziness kick in. I didn't bring lunch money today. I forgot. I sit down at the table.