My Crown

Chapter 31

Dear mama,

I miss you everyday. Especially today.

I know I'm not the woman you hoped I'd be.
I'm not the suburban housewife with the minivan and two kids.
I know I'm not perfect. I'm not even close.

I'm the woman I had to be to survive. I'm the woman I have to be to rid the world of the evil we lived with.

I am what the mafia made.

I'd like to think you knew I was going to be different. Mother's intuition perhaps.

I mean why else would you call me...

"You are quiet today."
Hades' voice cuts through my thoughts. Tearing my eyes from the view of the city, they land on the gorgeous specimen buttoning up his shirt.
How does he look so fucking sexy with simple blue jeans and a white button down?

And the Rolex.

He never forgets the Rolex.

It has been eleven nights since I first tasted those lips, since he first held me in his arms and since he first fucked me stupid.

It is infuriating to admit, but he literally fucked me stupid.
My brain has not been working for the past week and a half. He is all I can think about.
To be fair, he doesn't give me much room to think about anything else. You try thinking about mafia plots and spiteful bitches when the sexiest man alive is eating you out or rearranging your fucking insides.

He is everything I did not know I needed in a sexual partner. He took control of my body and shattered me. It turns out I am a fucking masochist because I loved every second of it.

I also find myself wondering; am I a submissive?

But our fuckathon is over. It has to be.

I do not like being stupid, even when it feels like heaven. When you're stupid, you make mistakes, like not using a condom.

That's right. I, the most careful woman in the Mediterranean, forgot a condom.
Not once did we use one.

I probably have chlamydia or herpes now.

And to make a bad situation worse, I haven't taken been taking the pill regularly since he has been here.

At all.

I am such a fucking idiot.

This was all such a bad idea. What was I thinking?

I know what I was thinking. I can lie and come up with a thousand reasons why I wanted to see him but the truth is obvious.

I invited him to a hotel room.

We could have met anywhere; museums are a great rendezvous spot. Instead I chose a hotel suite.

I even wore one of my favourite cocktail dresses and had a full face of makeup.

I sigh and stand up preparing myself to start. No man makes an idiot out of me.
"Turn around." He commands.

And like an obedient little lapdog, I do just that.

This is why I need to end this. I am not this girl. Why the fuck am I doing what he tells me to?

The cool metal freezes the fire that was igniting within me. My hands reach out for the familiar feeling of the diamond encrusted hearts.

I added the diamonds three years ago. Well, four now.

I feel complete again. I feel whole.

I turn to thank him only to remember it was mine in the first place. I shouldn't be thanking the person who took it away in the first place.