chapter fifty

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Y/N had been touring by herself for the past week, Camila having been sent back to LA to begin recording for her next album. It was unexpected, as she was supposed to spend the whole tour with Y/N, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. After that night the two of them shared, everything had been off between them.

Neither one was ready to talk about what had happened and, instead, kept their distance. They would only really interact when they absolutely had to. Camila even moved from the bed they shared to one of the bunks.

As much as Y/N was relieved that the awkwardness was now gone, she missed Camila more than she expected. She had grown so used to traveling with the other girl, that now she felt lonely. More lonely than when her and Camila were together but never spoke.

On the bright side, she had gotten a lot of writing done. They were probably the saddest songs she's ever written but also some her favorites.

She was now in Quebec, getting ready to head on to stage. In the back of her mind was the thought that Camila wasn't here. It made her feel like she had no reason to perform. She knew that made no sense, after all the tour was for the fans. But, at the same time, she found it more appealing to perform the songs she wrote for Camila to Camila. She missed looking out into the crowd and knowing exactly where Camila was watching from. She missed being able to look at her swaying to the songs. She missed watching her sing them back, thinking she could hear her voice even though she knew that was impossible. Overall, she just missed her.

So, as the show was coming to an end, Y/N made a decision. She quickly told the band that instead of the usual song they closed the show with, she was going to play something else. She had the grand piano brought out and took a seat at the bench. "So, tonight I want to switch things up a bit." The crowd cheered, excited for something new and special. "This song has always meant a lot to me and I want to play it for you guys tonight." Y/N pressed her fingers down on the first chord and heard the crowd cheer loudly, recognizing the song, before quieting down as she sung the first line.

I should ink my skin with your name

With her eyes closed, Y/N let the music take over. She found her pocket and fell into it, pretending that Camila was there to watch. She had chose this song for a couple reasons. The first being what she had said before playing it, that it has always meant a lot to her. The second, and mostly why she chose to play it, was that she knew this song held a lot of meaning to Camila. And a small part of her hoped someone was recording this and that Camila would see it.

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Camila leaned back on her couch, her mother having gone to bed a few minutes ago. She logged onto Instagram against her better judgement, and looked on some different update accounts for Y/N. The most recent post seemed to be a concert video. Camila tapped on it, missing Y/N's voice.

She expected to hear one of the songs from the usual set list, one she was very familiar with. Instead, she heard something completely different.

Camila sat up straight on the couch, listening to Y/N perform Wake Me Up. She knew Y/N had to have chosen this for a reason. Maybe she missed her too. The past week and a half had been filled with radio silence from the both of them. She was aching to reach out and say something to her but she figured Y/N needed space.

Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe Y/N performed this by chance. Maybe it had nothing to do with Camila at all. Something told her that wasn't true, though.

She exited the app and opened her text messages.

Cami❤️‍🔥: i saw a video from your show tonight of you performing wake me up

Y/N❣️: did you like it?

Cami❤️‍🔥: i loved it. what made you choose it?

Y/N❣️: you
Y/N❣️: i miss you

Cami❤️‍🔥: i miss you too y/n

Y/N❣️: we should talk

Cami❤️‍🔥: i know

Y/N❣️: tell me what's been on your mind
Y/N❣️: don't think about it, just say it

Cami❤️‍🔥: this past week has been hell. i miss you so much. after that night, i felt so disconnected from you and everything and i realized how much i hated that. i hate how we drifted. i hate how i caused it. i hate that we fell into this pattern of avoidance. i hate how we just let ourselves fall apart. i know we needed to not be together for a bit, but god i miss you. i want to be with you and i want to work on us, no matter what we have to do
Cami❤️‍🔥: ur turn

Y/N❣️: i don't think i've had a moment pass where i didn't want to reach out to you. both physically and mentally. i wake up in the middle of the night and i reach out to grab you, to hold you. i've been over thinking everything lately. i saw you had lunch with shawn and it made me realize that i don't want to lose you. and you didn't cause us to drift. we both did. we were both toxic to each other and we still need to work on that. i was thinking, if you really want to give us a try, we should try therapy

Cami❤️‍🔥: it was just lunch. we were just catching up. i won't lie and say the pictures weren't planned, bc they 100% were. he has an album coming soon and so do i. they wanted to create some buzz i guess. actually, the whole lunch basically consisted of me venting to him about you and us. and yes, i want to try this again. therapy sounds great to me

Y/N❣️: i'm glad you had him to talk to but at the time my mind was wandering and i kept just thinking worst case scenario on everything. especially all the accounts going crazy thinking you two were on a date. it made for a lot of good songs though

Cami❤️‍🔥: well at least it gave you some inspiration lol. i'm sorry that happened. i hate how we're used to make drama. i saw some tweets about it and it made me sick to think of being with anyone but you
Cami❤️‍🔥: i've been writing a lot too. most of them probably won't make the album. they're too personal to give the world right now

Y/N❣️: i get that 100%
Y/N❣️: my tour ends in less than a month and then i'll fly out to LA to see you and we can look for a therapist

Cami❤️‍🔥: okay. i can't wait to see you again ♥️

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(a/n): for chapter 50 i decided to be nice and give u guys some progress. it's a short chapter and i can't promise an update soon bc, let's be real, i suck at updating LMAO

on the bright side, i have both their next albums planned out

also, don't worry, there will be no sha*mila in this. there's enough of that irl and enough PR in this book

don't forget to vote
thanks for reading❤️

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