WHAT IF

Emptiness (3)

I drove home though frustrated about everything.
       "Mrs Smith ...." The head housekeeper Anna called as I climbed up the stairs.
       "Not now Miss Anna " I said then continued my way up.
       "Your designer wanted to know which outfit you preferred." Miss Anna said.
I stood frozen for a while. Slowly I turned back to miss Anna,
       "Mr Smith ordered him to make you outfits for the fundraising tonight." Miss Anna added.
I looked at her not knowing what to say or how to react to this.
       "Tell him to send any of the outfits that he sees matching with my brown skin." I said then continued upstairs.
        "Yes ma'am" She said quietly.
I fell on the bed thinking through the fundraising tonight, did I really have to go, am so tired from the trip in France, work, then Amanda, the interview tomorrow, Oh God.
Every time I felt unstable I always laid in the bathtub full of water, like other times, today was one of them, I stripped off the clothes and laid down in my fancy bathtub.

        "Valerie, Valerie..... " A voice called. Slowly I opened my eyes, I didn't realize I had fallen asleep.
        "Valerie." He called again.
I turned to my right to where I was being called from.
        "Andrew...." I called.
He was leaning on the door frame looking at me, his hands in his side pockets, his shirt was halfway unbuttoned and the tie off. My white muscular tall handsome rich husband, I reminded myself within.
       "We are going to be late." He said calmly.
       "Did something happen today?" I asked.
       "Was there something supposed to happen today." he asked as well.
I was in shock by his calmness and the 'not angry face' he was looking at me with.
        "No" I bluntly said.
        "Then no, nothing happened today." he said.

        "Do I have to go?" I asked as he turned walking away.
        "What?.. " he coldly turned. I lost words, that's the Andrew I knew.
       "What did you just ask me?" he asked even colder as he walked towards me.
       "The fundraising..." I stuttered,
       "Never mind, I will get ready." I added pulling my towel wrapping it around myself.
       "Valerie" he hardly grabbed my hand as I walked past him.
       "Please, try as much as possible not to get to my wrong side today because you will not like it, so help me God." he coldly, calmly warned close to my ears, he let go of my hurting hand and he walked out of the bathroom. I didn't have to be told twice to know what his warning meant or what could be the outcome, the shiver and goose bumps on my skin were just proof that more than anyone, I knew.

In no time I was fully dressed, it was a red tight dress, exposing my whole back and showing off by black curves and ass yet at the end behind, it was free with a short trail. I looked beautiful for sure and I should be happy but why wasn't I?, I didn't feel my prettiness, my make up and hair artist did his magic, held my hair up into a bun, nude make up together with diamond pins, neckless and rings. The diamonds matched well with my marriage ring.
Andrew as well was handsomely and expensively suited, his suite cuffs were diamond matching with my jewelry. The car was outside ready for us to go, we got in and the driver began the engine. He was seated in his side and I, on my own, our heads looking away to the windows we were seated on, eyes out with total silence.
         "Today means....."
         "I know, means a lot to you, my father and your family." I interrupted him before he finished his sentence.
         "Don't worry, I won't ruin it." I added.
         "That's right, good then." He said .
When the car stopped in front of the building where the fundraising was, I breathed out, my face up into a smile. The reporters were already taking pictures. Andrew got out from his side then walked to my door opening it, he gave his hand with a bright smile. I smiled back holding his hand getting out of the car. He slid his hand around my waist firmly holding me as we walked inside. This was the image everyone had of my marriage,
        "Mr Smith what do have to say about the fundraising today?" The reporter asked.
Andrew stopped then turned and looked back at me with a lovely smile. This smile I only get in public and leave it there.
       "We should begin organising such events on a daily" he said with a giggle.
       "Because they make me fall in love more with this beautiful lady." He lovelily said looking into my eyes.
The reporters laughed as they took the pictures.
       "And I don't want to ever fall out of love with her." he quietly added.
I smiled a long with him. Andrew went a head to kiss me on my lips, I held my purse tight as I didn't expect this or wanted this, yet I have to play along, I kissed him back then looked at each other with smiles. I turned to face the reporters breaking the eye contact with Andrew, on Amanda my eyes I fell on.
My fake smile dropped as she didn't look happy, Amanda and her family had just arrived as well. Andrew held my hand and led the way to inside at the fundraising. I looked back a bit to look at Amanda who was entering behind us, her eyes hadn't left me. Even when I turned away I could feel her eyes on me.

On such functions, I was always instructed to speak less unless when it was important, Andrew's fear was me saying what could bring problems to our families. He introduced me to a couple of business partners, friends, but my hand was locked into his, much as this was a fundraising to help the needy and raise money for charity, secret businesses were happening with in. My use here was to show how stable Andrew was, most business deals went through because he was married more so to me, the black lady, he gained more respect for that, then for my family, they also benefited in a way of being in laws with the Smith family, reputation was all that mattered.
I was really tired of the fake smiling, my face was even hurting to over smiling, and with the boring conversations I kept having with different people, to God I swear I don't know what they were talking or what my replies or ideas were, every time they laughed back at what I said I was left wondering if I said anything funny.