WHAT IF

23

               For a moment , feeling his lips on mine just slowly my head began going blank , reminding me how it felt to be loved by Leon , firmly holding me in his arms, the kiss so passionate .
In a a second, we had split on hearing the door bang had
             " fuck !!!" I said rushing towards the door. I scared at who had seen us kiss, my worry , and regret kicked in . I swung the door open , goosebumps popped out of skin, my eyes began to sting ,he hadn't left he was still standing there , disappointment on his face .
             " Hayden ....." I breathed out heavily.
             " I.. We ....." I wanted to explain but didn't have the right words , I had shoot myself hard in the chest , of all people I didn't want Hayden to know or see ......
             " I am in no regret than you are " Hayden said , his voice seamed caught within , that even broke me harder
            " I insisted and forced ..Andrew , ( he breathed out ) to come here and support you since it was your first shoot after a long time " Hayden said . Tears flooded in my eyes , I lost air to breathe
           " I .. " I didn't have anything to say , I passed my hands in my hair wanting to pull it off if that was possible .
           " I guess we should have not come " Hayden added . Am sure even I would turn back time , I would still do the some thing maybe just a little careful this time , I would still kiss Leon .Hayden seamed to notice how stuck I was , he moved close , u could tell he wanted to embrace me but .... No , I stepped back , turned then walked back inside.  Leon was calmly seated waiting for me .
            " Val" he called but I was quiet
            " can I be alone " I breathed saying
            " can I stay " he asked
            " no , I just ...." I said .
Leon stood up after a while slowly walking to the door . he opened it then closed it back again not moving out
            " Val, even if I would take back time , I don't regret I would do it again and again " he said . I was really glad he said that to me , very glad
            " so let me hope your not regretting as well " he concluded then walked out of my dressing room .  I rushed to my phone, what was on my mind was to call Andrew , hardly had I held the phone when it rang . I frozen looking at it like I had seen a ghost , I sat down to ready myself before I answer the call . Nothing good has ever come from this call
           " Mother " I called bluntly
           " do you want me dead ?????" She shouted
           " of course not " I replied
           " you ungrateful bastard , now tell from yourself are you cheating on your husband " she yelled . I reminded silent just breathing out heavily
           " you know when I heard it from your father, I could not believe but this your silence is just proving it " she added
           " mom, I am not cheating on Andrew " I said my voice heavy
           " you don't know how lucky you are , if it's not Andrew you would not be what you are now , that your husband is too good for you , he did us a great service to lower himself for a wife like you but like fools your ruining it " she shouted angrily . Tears were in my eyes , maybe she was right , I don't deserve Andrew , I am a fool not to cherish this opportunity that most black women have down there on the streets
           " you know Valerie , for once I thought you would actually do something to benefit this family but your just proving me of how a loss you are to the family " she yelled
           " your father wants to run for Mayor and Andrew's family is supposed to help him with that " she yelled
           " Moth..."
           " I may be talking this to you yet your not grasping anything in the head . But let me warn you Valerie , better get your act together before i put my hands on it , will not allow my foolish daughter ruin the family blessing " she said then switched off the phone .
       
                 
                     My head wanted to burst , I pressed the sides hard as u felt like I was being pounded in the head , I felt a little dizzy , I wanted to cry but I couldn't no I didn't want to cry yet at the some time I was so angry , with myself with Andrew for including my family in this , couldn't he have talked to me about it , why act like child , that bastard
                 " Val ..."Paris called entering
                 " oh my God are you okay " she rushed to me
                 " yes , am okay " I said .I tried standing up but my head was to heavy for me , I fell back in the chair
                 " I just want some pain killers " I just breathing hard .
                 " I will go fetch you some " Paris said hurriedly going out . I laid down closing my eyes though a lot running in my head , in times like this , unexplainable pain I talk to the family doctor , Doctor Lee was initially Andrew's doctor but with time he become mine , he is still our doctor but mine mostly .I had promised myself never to call him again or visit his office again yet today the symptoms are back
I grabbed my phone calling
                 " Mrs Smith!!!! " in shock he answered the phone just shortly after
                 " You must not be too well since you have called " he said on my silence
                " my head , it is heavy again I feel a lot pain " I breathed out just a little far a way from crying my eyes out .
                " do you still have the medication " he asked
                " I have the white ones " I said 
                " I want you to swallow two then go to bed , if the there is no change come to my office in the morning " he ordered
                " I will do that " I said .
                " thank you Doctor Lee " I said then hanged up the phone . Paris rushed back in with the pain killers
I swallowed two with water , closed my eyes again trying to rest , which seamed like a battle . My mother's words replaying in my head , just Imagining the big battle that is going to be home between Andrew and me , how much disappointed Hayden must be in me , what the public will have to say about the pictures taken of me and Leon. I can't say I rested but I closed my eyes for a while 
              " Val love " Paris came in with the pain killers and water
She knelt down close to me handing me  some tablets and water
              " take love " she said so caring
I swallowed the tabs the rested my head down again
              " Paris , can you please stop the pictures from being put into the magazine " I asked
               " I wish I could but it's too late" Paris said
               " it's okay  then " I said just waiting for another battle with both families and the public.  
               " get same rest " Paris said
Dr Lee once told me that these could be signs to a serious disease that I needed to be checked but that even worries me more , if I decide to go for a check up Andrew will have to know yet there is want I don't what Andrew to find out