WHAT IF

31

                            I kept quiet so thoughtless , no emotion and no feeling towards Andrew's reply . its not that his words were a shock to me , maybe they were , I can't tell but I don't know how to react to it as well.  His eyes were lingering on my face trying to look for explanation or an answer yet me as well was empty .
                          " should that be a big concern " Andrew asked after a whole lot of silence from me
                          " no ..no , should it be " I asked not sure of its even the best I could ask or react .
                          " of course no " Andrew assured me though not enough to rescue me from this blankness . I closed my eyes trying to think , it's empty
                           " are you not curious about who that is " Andrew asked out of the blue
                           " should I be curious " I asked him
                           " no ,I can't answer that too" he said.  Then good maybe better that way . How I wish I never asked why is it bothering me that I am in someone's place , they should have gotten married.
                           " does she have a problem with me " I asked suddenly
                           " she????!!!!!" Andrew paused a question .Now my mind exploded .
                            " Fuck!!!!whattttttt!" I loudly said almost jumping out of bed
                            " wait , that person ....is ..a ...He, Him ,Male" I said my eyes widened out almost popping out .
Andrew burst into laughter , he laughed so beautifully if I am to appreciate but what's funny , this is serious.
                             " I am joking ..she is a woman ,a very beautiful one" Andrew widely smiled . I swear I am never prepared for his smile or laugh it comes as a smile that keeps me thinking and amused that he can also do this .
                             " that's now hard to believe " I said to Andrew
                             " she will have a big problem with knowing , it's better it stays like this " Andrew softly said looking into my eyes .
Doesn't she read the news ,magazine or not live in this country ,who does not know that your married.

                       " it's not that she doesn't know am married " Andrew read my mind
                       " it's just that she know that I if I feel anything for her " Andrew said .
                        " I am tired Andrew " I said closing my eyes again .
                        " rest " Andrew said .I know he wanted to say more but I didn't want to hear more . The silence filled the room for a while
Yet thinking hard of his statement, like the way he like that person is the some way I fantasize Hayden .
                        " we always find ourselves stuck together , I have liked this second time better than the first one " Andrew calmly said , his voice low , he must have thought I am asleep not trying to wake up .
                        " will you sleep seated " I softly asked ,my voice down .Andrew was silent again .
                        " there is space here ..besides me" I said . I know we don't connect and since his grandfather is the founder of the hospital he can be given a VIP room but I just don't want to spend the night alone .
                        " thanks " Andrew said
There was no movement of noise with in ,I didn't want to open my eyes to confirm if he was willing to share the bed with me or not .
I felt the mattress sink in a bit as he laid next to me . His sent , warmth embraced me , I was not sure if facing or facing the other side ,I am just sure it felt not a lone any more .

                        The room was silent , I could here the sound made by the dropping sound made by the liquid in my drip , the footsteps beyond the door , it had that long when I was quiet eyes closed but not asleep , I turned my head just a bit to see Andrew . He was sound asleep , covered properly facing me . I looked at his face so peaceful and calm .
                        " was he sleeping on the sofas all these days yet the bed is bug enough for two " I asked myself within .
                         I moved my eyes from Andrew closing them again, much
as I forced myself to sleep , i wasn't sleeping .
I turned again to Andrew every thoughtful but all about him . I raised my fine hand towards him , gently I touched his eyebrows feeling them , my touch si light not to want to wake him up . My finger moved softly down his nose bridge to surface above his lips . I kissed Leon just after kissing with Andrew but why does the stolen kiss from Andrew something I can't get over , all a long as I kept talking to him ,it's his lips that I looked at and found myself catching breathe over and over again . I moved my fingers gently to his lips , I felt them remembering how they were pressed against mine , how soft, warm , sweet they were . The soft touches on my body ...fuck .
I softly moved my thumb around feeling his lips more . Andrew moved a bit , hurriedly I moved my hands off him closing my eyes again like I was dead asleep . My only prayer was that I have not waken him up .

                         " I am not sure what she will have " I wake up on hearing Andrew speak.
I opened my eyes and it was already morning , the sun had rose again , Andrew was  seated in the sofas talking on phone. 
                         " You don't really have to come here " Andrew said
                         " I just don't what a big scene here " Andrew added , he heaved a sigh then breathed in again
                          " Fine, we shall be expecting you " Andrew said hanging up the phone . I looked at him and he looked at me as well .
                         " Good morning " Andrew said
                         " Good morning " I replied.
                         " father has insisted on coming here to see how you are " Andrew said not so happy about it .
                         " okay " I said . There was some small comfort that come with his father unlike the mother , that lady freaks me out more than my mom does. His father min while seamed to like me a bit , was funny in some moments . But come to think about it why would he want to come to talk to me about the magazine.
                      Doctor Lee walked in with a couple files .
                     " how are you feeling " Dr Lee asked with a smile . The nurses lifted  my bed a bit helping me seat up a bit .
                      " I am feeling kind AF better " I said .
                      " well the results have shown whats wrong " he said
                      " is it serious " Andrew asked
                      " have you ever  hit your head so hard other this fall " Dr Lee asked
I was silent , Andrew looked at me , I looked at down my fingers thinking hard of the time when I ..... Oh yes my there was a time I was being hit by Andrew  he hit hard down on the bathroom tub , I remember being down on the ground breathless trying to get back my conscious , it's that pain I can't forget .
                         " it's that time I began calling you for pain killers " I said softly looking at Andrew . Just by Andrew's look it was obvious he had remembered that time .
                         " well , your head was kind of injured within ,you have a small bum swollen with in your brain " Dr Lee said trying not to make it sound like it was not scary . My world become frozen for a while
                         " you are saying I have a brain tumor" I asked blankly .
My heart beating hard , remembering my aunt dying because she had one .
                         " that tumor is affecting your nervous in a way that you will find your body not co ordinating sometime " Dr Lee added .
Andrew was so bothered my the news , he looked so self beating with in .
                        " the good news is that , it is a small swelling ,you don't have to get a surgery or get so worried about it " Dr Lee said
                         " so what do I have to do" I asked
                         " I am going to prescribe medication to help with making that swelling go down till it's all gone " Dr Lee said
                          " though I want you to avoid to much stress, straining , don't skip meals and get enough sleep , make sure to exercise a bit " Dr Lee added
                          " anxiety and depression is what you must avoid as well " Dr Lee added .
Andrew stood up walking out of the room , he didn't seam so well but what can I do for him.  I myself I am feeling devastated already .
                         " and something you didn't come back for check up for the last time was your reproductive system " Dr Lee said .
                        " your uterus walls are damaged and week , this is because of the stress and can also be caused when continuous physical force is applied to you " Dr Lee said .
                       " Does ,Andrew hit you " Dr Lee asked . I froze , looked at him not knowing what to say
                        " No , no " I said breathing in hard
                        " Valerie, you whole body is in a bad state , there a tiny blood clots , some muscles a swollen , some have not even healed yet ..no actually your body hasn't healed and all this is caused when your supposed to physical pain " Dr Lee said .

                        What did he want me to say , my heart was aching this was to much to hear or to know ,
                       " Valerie , you might be able to give birth , your periods are irregular and there is little blood if I am not wrong " Dr Lee said .
                       " according to what happened you know what , and the condition of your body ,brain , representative system, you fail to convince and if you do , you are highly exposed to a misscourage " Dr Lee said . Tears flooded in my eyes , heart broken , blankly looking at him