WHAT IF

27

                     " when is she going to wake " a voice so loud in my head I hear ,
                    " it will depend on how fast she responds to the medication " a different voice responded , these voices hit hard with in my head.
Which makes my head pain , why are they speaking loud to make such big echos . I know was alive now , awake though my eyes not opening . different pain am feeling on my body , a small frown appeared on my face as I heard something fall down hard , the echos hitting me so hard in head ,
                   "Valerie..." A voice echoed in my head . I slowly opened my eyes looking at a fully white ceiling .
                   " Valerie ...." My name echoed out again . I tried to move my head but it could not it's when I felt the crust around it holding it tight . I then moved my eyes slowly , my eyes felt heavy too .
                   " this is Andrew " I said within immediately my eyes clearly focused him in .
                  " Valerie can you here me " he asked . Of course I do and I would like to ask him why he is being so loud , I remember falling down the stairs but why does it feel so bad like as if  I was in a car accident .
I rolled my eyes off him looking back at the ceiling
                   " I hear you " I said though myself a bit caught with in .
                   " Valerie!! " another echo hit hard in my head , I tried to raise my hand to feel my head it's then I raised my hand was tied
                   " Doctor Lee " I called softly
                   " why are you talking so loud " I asked
                   " or this room doesn't absorb echos " I still asked complaining , my head is killing me
                   " sorry , its not that we a loud or the room ." Dr Lee said
                   " you are not fully stabilised thats why " Dr Lee added .
                   " what's that supposed to mean " Andrew asked .
Doctor Lee silently looked at me ,wondering whether to explain to Andrew or wait for me  to fully stabilise.
                  "Andrew , I will give you all the answers after giving her this shot and taking her to run some scans " Dr Lee said.  Much as I was in pain I was pleased he was willing to respect my decisions of not fully telling Andrew what my medical status was.
He began organising the injections to give me a shot , I was watching him from the corner of my eyes not really pleased by the next event .

                 " what are you doing " I asked trying to sound firm as possible but my voice shaky
                 " am going to give you a shot" Dr Lee said with a small smile on your face , his knows there is always a struggle between him and I when it comes to taking shots .
                 " I don't like my skin being necessarily pierced " said sounding so defensive
                " this is going to help you stabilise " he said
                " do not ....." I wanted to scream thats when I  noticed Andrew's shocked face in a way that he wanted to laugh.
Dr Lee looked at Andrew with a smile .
                " I am going to need you help here " Dr Lee said to Andrew
                " this is totally patient right violence " I said as loud as I could .
                " how can I help " Andrew asked these two fools ignoring my cry
                " hold her tightly by her left arm so that I can inject her properly " Dr Lee said .
Andrew moved to the other side of my bed , his face so evident that he wanted to burst into laughter . slowly his worm hands slid into my cold hands . if it was another time of the day or event I would appreciate how his hand was  warm, firm and nicely big , I could feel how long his fingers were , as I also count as the first time Andrew has held my hand . He sat down gently by my bed . his eyes locked into mine . Dr Lee stood besides Andrew then bent down trying my hand tightly with a string
I held Andrew's hand tightly pressing it with all the little energy I had in me , I closed my eyes tightly , pressing my lips as well very tight .Fuck what is.....
                   " I am sorry Valerie "Andrew calmly said . With this statement said , the world began moving in slow motion , this statement echoing in my head , my eyes I began to open slowly , loosened my lips and even the way I had held his hand tightly loosened, I felt his words to the core , i will not say I  have any idea of what he is apologetic to , but I loved how they sounded , I loved there heaviness , I loved every depth and strength of these words .
                   " All done " Dr Lee said untying the string on my hand . I loved this perfect destruction from my fear . I looked at Andrew not even minding about how I didn't feel the injection .His eyes were on our hands that were holding each other , his grip tightened a bit , I held my breath a bit .
                   " I can take her for the scans " Dr Lee said .
                   " Go ahead " Andrew said standing up gently letting of my hand . My hand left lone and cold a gain , i found myself folding it tight like as if I would get hold of his warmth . He stood as side pocketing looking at me . The nurses did whatever they had to with the machines, drips to organise me for the scan , my eyes were on Andrew . Honestly speaking looking at him from down here made me realize that he  looked a bit sad or in pain , he is not as happy as he seams when we are leveled , maybe he as well is not fine . I was gently carried to the other bed slowly moving out . I would really want Dr Lee to also examine him and a sure me he is okay , my biggest worry is if he decides to want to commit suicide like Hayden had said .
                     " wait " I said holding Dr Lee's by his doctor tire ,my voice was so in like a whisper . They all stopped
                     " Do you need anything " Dr Lee asked
                     " Andrew " I called softly
He turned looking at me from where he standing in the middle of the room. I continued to look at him then he slowly moved close to me .
                    " can you come with me " I asked softly ,not even sure I was the one asking for Andrew to be around for the scans . He was also shocked by my statement. I stretched my fingers tightly holding him by the edge of his coat .
                   " it's okay I will wait here " Andrew said looking at Dr Lee . To me that's not assurance enough for him to be around from the time of my scans and back , what if he receives an urgent call , yet I want to talk to him after the scans especially about the divorce , this is my only chance to trap him here. As he made a step back he noticed I was holding him by coat
                " I would really appreciate it if my husband is besides me as I do the scans " I said so powerless .
                " come a long , though please leave the phones behind " Dr Lee said . I then let go of his coat , I used my wife card wisely I now know he has no choice but to tag a long . We continued to move my eyes losing focus slowly my slowly and the next thing I remember seeing are the fully white lights by the ceiling in a way to the scans .