WHAT IF

32

                         " Valerie ,talk to me " Dr Lee asked me . What could I possibly speak to him
                         " I just trip " I said
                         " you mean you trip all the time " he asked
                         " yes , I trip all the time " I said my voice caught up a bit .
                         " listen to me Valerie " he said calmly. His voice deep and friendly like he was talking to his daughter .
                         " your mental health is not okay , your diet is also wrong you skip meals or don't eat at times , your physical body is also not in a good state from head to toe " he said
                         " this is a result of not loving you self at all ,you have no self love to all your self trip all time , to treat yourself this shitty " Dr Lee said . for some reasons his words hit hard , they were heavy , my tears flooded in my eyes , I lifted my head from down looking up my eyes landing on Andrew who was standing at the door his eyes on me .
                         " for how long has this happening in your life " he asked. When I say all my life ,should that be a good answer enough .
How am I supposed to love myself when no one has ever loved me no matter how hard I try but who can love me when my own mom failed to love me .

                          " I will try " I said , not even knowing exactly I am going to try ,may be to eat well ,swallow the medicine
                          " there is a lot to be done Valerie, and please take time to think about all that has to be done " he said .
                          " but Valerie ,I want you to love yourself and know who you are " Dr Lee added , I really feel his advice , I would like to get to know what it means to love myself , I really would .
                          " I know a very good psychiatrist " he said as he checked on the drip and my condition .
Andrew came in sitting again , he was silent just looking at me
                          " I will think about that too " I said . A tear dropped from the side of my one eye , quickly I cleaned it trying to smile a bit .
Once again we again together a lone with Andrew , total silence befell us ,more to think and worry about yet too small to give as a solution. 

                         " I am deeply so...."
                         " don't say it , don't " I said before he completed his statement , his apology is not what I want to here I swear , not right now. I can't say I am angry at him nor am I not angry at him , I am so confused at what I feeling. 
There was a door knock at the  door .
At once the door was opened , several gentlemen came in carrying a couple of bags , and boxes .
                     " put it down carefully " a masculine voice ordered from outside
But that was not it , more still came in placing the different items all over the place . Andrew had to stand up to give them space to place the items . This is so extra and shocking .
Andrew crossed his hands around his chest his eyes and head turned looking outside beyond the door . At last he got in , my father in law with a bright proud smile on his face .
                     " there is just so much silence in here , what a boring guy not able to entertain his woman " Mr Smith said towards Andrew .
                    " are you trying to say your here to save the day " Andrew
                    " not once while buying this ,didn't it occur in your head that this is so extra ,making a huge scene which we are trying to avoid " Andrew not happily said back to the father .
                   " make noise all you want , but we all know your jealous because this old man is doing what you can't do for your woman " Mr Smith said back
                   " and son you can't compete where you can't compare so feel free to excuse yourself if you can't handle it " He added . Andrew scoffed loudly . I looked at these two wondering what the hell was I witnessing .

                   " forgive me Valerie but this incompetent husband of yours just didn't know what you would eat " Mr Smith said with a smile to me .Andrew made another loud scoff .
                   " I appreciate the effort and time but all this is food " I said gesturing to all that was brought .
                   " I couldn't decide on what you would like so I brought everything since I have all the money" he added .
                  " thank you so much " I smiled , my heart pumping so hard waiting for him to start questioning me about the magazine.
                  " dig in " he said bringing one of the package to me .
                  " thank you " I said .
                  " please " I said gesturing for him to next on the bed not just stand since all the seats were filled with packages.
                   " I already ordered for some seats " he said . Immediately after some two gentlemen brought in two seats .
They both sat down comfortably looking at me , was I supposed to eat without them eating looking at like that .
                    " aren't you going to eat " I asked them
                    " that's what you wanted " Mr Smith said to Andrew pointing at a red wrapped item
                    " thank you " Andrew said .
                    " let me " Mr Smith said ,helping me with opening the food wrap . This is my father in law being all nice to me , whatever is coming is going to be so heavy and not good at all .
                    " your father would not make it coming with me here ,so I am here for the him too" Mr Smith said .
When has my father had time for me regarding personal matters. The time is always there when it's time for business.
Well the Chinese food had I a nice aroma .Not a great fun but okay we shall with it . Andrew also began digging into his food .