WHAT IF

28

                   I opened my eyes again. The room was all silent though there were foot steps I could here beyond this room , the lights on though dim a light , through the corner of my eyes i could see the moon though the half closed curtains of the window . It was night already . I breathed out heavily actually feeling a lot stabilised than before , I raised non tied hand a bit looking at .
                   " Hey.." A calm but tired voice said from the direction of my feet. I looked down my feet looking at Andrew , I thought he had gone while I had passed out again .
                   " Hey" I said as well , I should also count this as the first informal greeting between me and my husband that I have been with for 7years . My eyes looked around the room , they were flowers, chocolates, three Ted bears , fruit baskets four of them , a basket of different snacks .
                  " how long have I been here" I asked softly
                  " two days and three nights" Andrew responded
                  " that long " I breathed out . this left like a trap but not the first time I have been traped in the some room with Andrew though this time round it's because I am bed ridden .
                  " Amanda, Hayden , Miss Ann ,Jordy , Ray ,Emma , Paris ,Jenny ...and Leon have been here for the two days " Andrew said I could feel how hard it was to mention Leon's name out .
                  " They bought all this " I asked trying to gesture to the presents in the room
                 " yes " Andrew said , he began to point out all that was bought by who leaving some out .
                 " I am guessing you bought the remaining ones " I said . Andrew remained quiet , he stood up
                 " No and yes " he said calmly walking towards the window besides me .
It's then that I noticed that he had not changed clothes since morning ,he has been here all day .
                 " Emma and Ray bought them for me to bring them here " he honestly said . That honesty wow .
                 " Thank ..you " I said not sure it even fits . Everything about us speaking or trying to converse left so wrong and awkward .
                  " Have you been here all day, you should have gone home and changed " I said .
                 " the passed two days " he corrected me . Now this shocked me , Andrew is not the type at least the one I knew before this accident .
                  " I can't go home or at work" Andrew said feeling so embarrassed at this .
                  " why so " I asked
He looked at me quietly then breathed out heavily , it would be so good to be true if he wanted to be here
                   " Ray claimed that his great grandmother's cousin had a birthday he had to attend and before he left he cleared my schedule making it so free till next week on top of that I can't reach him " Andrew said not even believing he is telling me such stories .
                 " When I called the business men to proceed currently they were to busy till next week " Andrew added . A smirk popped on my face this was so childish , I swallowed not wanting to laugh at him
                 " Emma claimed to have to attend a neighbor's dog funeral that he dearly cared for  and so he is not yet back " Andrew said .
                 " He and Jenny are allergic to dog fur " I said loudly with a bright smile not sure I could keep it anymore .Andrew looked at me speechless , am sure he didn't know that always buried in work .
           
                 " then Ray claimed to go to the farms for an urgent disease that attacked the animals so he is not home yet " Andrew said .
                " Miss Ann claimed that my mother had summoned her, before she left she gave all maids a leave , brought a few clothes of mine here then clocked the house " Andrew added , I giggled a bit ,
               " the cord system " I asked
               " she changed the password and left a note saying she is coming back tomorrow " Andrew said .I laughed this is so funny and childish
               " Miss Ann planned all this " Andrew said
               " How do you know " I asked
               " I know her " Andrew said. I get his point but why would Miss Ann want him hear , I kept quiet thinking of how I just laughed because Andrew was telling his stupid childish story .
              " but her plan has worked " Andrew said
              " we are here together , talking " he added. Ohh now I get , but I was also going to use the any method possible to get his attention so we can talk about the divorce . we kept quiet again. My mind on how to start with him . I then remembered that I had just taken a scan .
                 " Andrew could you help me sit up " I asked not sure of what he would say . He moved close to me , gently he did help even raised the bed for me to lean on behind .
                 " thanks " I said
                 " are you feeling any better " he asked
                 " a bit " I said .
                 " thats great " he said .
                 " I will call doctor Lee " he said. I had never imagined Andrew this caring not even once . May be had never given him time it's another new side of him.
                " Valerie!" The voice I knew properly called entering , so shocked that she is even here yet glad she has entered when Andrew has moved out
                " mother " I called as she approached me .
                " what bull shit is THAT " she angrily asked throwing the magazine to me . I looked at the magazine then her , I was full of disappoint but what did I expect,a hug ,a bunch of flowers no not from my mother.
                " I had just warned you about the stupidity just two days ago , not even long your doing worse than stupid , the foolish things your young sister can't do " She yelled
                " mother , this is my job , I am a model a brand face for the fond magazine , this is what I signed up for" I said ,my voice a bit loud
                 " your not like other models Val, you are married to the strong family that has enabled be here , these mistakes you can't afford " she yelled .
                " how can you be so damn not to see this , how do you handle the business with that your useless brain , how will you ever look at the world , your father , your sister when you become a disgrace after loosing such opportunities due to your stupid mistakes " she yelled , I know her point , not knowing it's what am going through with Andrew , her words always cut deeper no matter how many times I convince myself I am used to them .
                    " Leon is no good to our family , he is nothing to what Andrew has done for us , if Leon hadn't been adopted in a rich family he would be like those men doing drugs on streets and that what your going for " she added . I held my blanket tight absorbing all her words ..   
                   " if you want to show your lowness show it to me because am used but not to the world or your husband because they don't deserve it" mother yelled .
                   " and just a piece of advice girl better put your act together " she said moving close to me
                   " and know how lucky you , get grip of that luck not letting go , you know because why " she said her voice plain , cold and sharp .
                   " because you are nothing without Andrew Smith, the Leon whom you thinks loves doesn't he is just attracted to what Andrew has made you and as soon as you loss the charm he will realize how you are nothing and jump for the next big catch " mother said .
                  " MOTHER!!!! " I let out a loud cry tears in my eyes . With no question , hesitation or remorse she swung her hand into a big slap on my cheek.
                 " Do not dare act VICTIM here Valerie " she angrily yelled
                 " Absorb the truth and get your act together , and besides show some respect am your mother " she added ,tears rolling down my eyes , I raised my eyes looking at her.
                 " for two days I have been unconscious , my hand broken , an ankle sprained, a neck damage with even more but this is all you care about " I cried , my voice shaky and caught .
                 " I would rather have you dead , than get embarrassed for having a daughter like you " she coldly said. 
                  " so if you can't die get some sense to do the right thing and if still fail to do so , don't expect any acknowledgement from me " she added. She grabbed the magazine walking away,
                 "Shed the tears now and thank me later " mother finalised before fully disappearing through the door. I tried to clean my tears but they flowed down again.
     
                 My heart was ripping out , there thinking maybe her words are even more true , maybe not
                " it's okay Valerie " I cried out telling myself out loud
                " it's okay " I say yet cry again
                " Valerie , big girls don't cry ....you .... Valerie this is ..nothing " I tried to clam myself like I normally did but couldn't help crying . I buried my face in my hand crying , I have really had enough , I am tired .
This is so exhausting . there was a loud cough behind the door . I cleaned my tears , swallowing the pain , the door was opened Andrew coming through . My head bent down , didn't want to show him that I was crying yet by the time he coughed before entering he must have heard me cry.

                  " Doctor Lee is coming to check on you " he calmly said sitting before me . I slowly shifted trying to lean behind but I could not . I continued to try twisting my broken hand a bit 
                  " Damn..." I said in pain my voice a bit heavy .
                   " allow me " Andrew said standing up to help me . A tear from my left eye dropped down my cheek
                   " are you okay " he asked lying me down gently.
                   " what can't you see , I have twisted this hand a bit " I said more tears coming down . This was total bullshit lie that can't even be bought .
                    " I see " Andrew replied , his voice not convinced at all . I cleaned my tears closing my eyes .
I felt Andrew sit down beside my legs . total silence filled the room .
                    " I don't think so " Andrew said
                    " sorry " I said softly
                    " your not nothing " Andrew said his voice so low and deep
                    "How much did you hear " I asked now wanting to cry again , Andrew remained silent looking at me somehow looking for what exactly to tell me
                     " half " I asked
                     " all of it " Andrew said. We both remained silent . I even no longer had a way to tell him about the divorce .
                    " it's easy to want to make something out of someone but it takes a lot of intelligence ,hard work ,beauty , personality and humour to pull it off more than expected " Andrew said suddenly .
                   " it's not the pep talk that I need Andrew " I said though glad to hear it
                   " I am sorry " Andrew said it again .
                   " for what exactly " i asked he kept quiet looking down again, I felt his warm had touch my hand, he took in hand tightly holding it .