WHAT IF

38

          Sudden hard thunder nose startled me waking up . The door the suddenly opened . Much as i was fully awake i didn't want to make it obvious that i was awake . According to the shadow appearance on the wall, it was Miss Ann , she must have come to check on me since it was raining and cold but i am pretty warm tonight , door was closed  again
Its when i raised the warmth was coming from someone so close to me .
I slowly sat up looking at the one next to me.
                   Andrew was dead asleep , i really wanted to know when he came and joined me in the bed. I have never seen him lay in this bed since i entered this house or our marriage .
How can he look so cute and sexy while he sleeps. Much as i wanted to touch him i figured he might wake up like in the hospital 
I looked at my handsome husband , why has it become so comfortable him sleeping next to me .
And the fact that he has changed since my accident , it will be so disappointing to know at the end of this all that he was trying so much cause of guilt and pit towards me .
I realised i was smiling while looking at him , but for goodness sake what am i thinking or expecting , he has someone he loves .
                 " have you failed to sleep" i was startled to hear his sleepy voice .
                 " what " i asked in surprise
                 " have you failed to sleep or you have just enjoyed looking at me "
Andrew asked .
                  "thought you were asleep " i asked, his eyes were still closed as we spoke .
                  " it was warm for awhile then suddenly coldness hit me and i woke up " he said .
I remained silent looking at him ,  i really wanted to ask why he decided to sleep here with me . i laid down back looking up him so close to me, my heart doing a funny dance , my mind back to the moment in the bathroom earlier and many more wild thoughts , well my body craving for his touch and more closure .
With Andrew being so close to me , actually no since he kissed me i cant stop desiring for his kiss,  touch and more , intimacy ...
                   " its become so hard " i breathed out
                   " what exactly " he breathed out , his air fanning my half exposed  shoulder
I breathed in , afraid that what i may say will drive him out of my bed
                   " its harder for me to control myself Valerie " Andrew had he read my mind .
                   " i cant help wanting to touch you, my lips and tongue exploring your body, my body craving to be naked with you  uptight dancing on the some tune and pace " Andrew breathed out .
How can words make feel this wild , yarning and wishing this doesn't just stop in words .i turned a bit , our faces  just two inches away from each other , Andrew opened his eyes making contact with mine .
                 " are you waiting for my permission to go ahead with your desires " i whispered .
He was silent , his body moving forward towards me , my heart racing harder . I was fully laid down on my back again , him slightly above me ,  he softly rested his lips on my forehead ,
                    " its not permission am waiting for , its the wrong timing " he said
                    " your body is not fully fine  which requires to be handled with delicacy and i am not sure i can do that once i start " he whispered
                    " so help me and you and don't make it easy for me at the moment before your fully fine " Andrew added.
I was almost chocked on my saliva , now wanting more .
He lifted himself above me , he moved from my right now to my left , sleeping facing me , i as well turned facing him ,  Andrew passed his hand around my waist pulling close to him , in his chest he embraced me.

                " get some sleep already , its cold and you to get enough sleep " he softly said .
How could i possibly sleep when i wanted more than to just cuddle , okay maybe feel those lips on mine .
But to the bright side his chest was warm and comfortable , his embrace firm and safe like as if nothing would reach me .
Lying here like this brought me sadness wanting to even sob , i know well this is not to last , this is just for tonight and when the day comes he will be so buried in his work for i to even cross his mind , only if this was forever not have worries and stress or even things to hide .
The man whose chest am lying in , his heart beats for someone else .
He doesn't belong to me much as i am married to him . Thinking of this breaks my heart but makes me want to hold tight .
And i did got more comfortable in his arms , let me live in the moment before this all disappears .