Black Star

Page 89: Undead Devotion

Mars' POV

I don't know how many days have passed, it could be zero, like seven. I have completely lost the track of time because I keep zoning out due to my too many thoughts and memories. I keep staring at Astra in hope to see him move but again, my mind is a mess right now.
I barely feel the snow piling on me, I stay immobile like a patient predator but I just don't have enough room in my head to control my body.
Young Aslan was right, knowing what atrocious thing I did to my best friends really ruined my spirit for good. I cannot believe I raised my blade against my friends twice, I cannot believe I don't remember anything...

>Lift your knees Atlanta, the Heavens are a burden but in the starlit ink of constellations, you have written: endure.<

My mother's words roam loudly in my mind and keeps me from breaking apart. I did not have a childhood due to this strength I was born with, and after being chosen as a Lord, things didn't improve until I met my beloved wife. Before her, all I had was nothing if not a fake realm I had to keep safe.
One night I was wondering around during the Lords meeting and I encountered Oberon. At first he looked so breathtaking I remember I literally stopped breathing because the very little swing of my head while I breathe, was bothering and ruined his image. Then I was taken aback at his way of talking, so rude and aggressive, but I liked his fierce and rebellious spirit.
He took a dear place in my heart when he opened my eyes about my life. Everyone always told me to endure because of my name, because of my title and my strength, but not Oberon. He said that like the titan I am expected to hold the world on my shoulders even when bleeding and with shaking knees, then all I had to do was just shrug. I changed thanks to those words, I cherish that little guy beyond any words could describe.

For a while he disappeared and nobody knew where he went. Until one day he came to my chambers and with a smirk, he told me to follow him. That's the day he introduced me to Astraea. The first time I saw him I was mesmerized by his persona. He rarely talked, he didn't know even how to greet, he had zero social skills, but oddly he had a vast knowledge of anything else. Through his silences though, he had something that chanted me always, and I think it was his authoritarian and regal aura. Even when little, his gaze was very sharp and intense, it happened that a few times he made me jump startled by it. All he did was just everything someone would look for in a ruler, and only later on I found out he was indeed a king, ours. When I saw him in action, I thought he was gonna use that big sword he always carried around, but I was blown away when I saw how stupidly powerful he was bare-handed. Such unseen yet familiar power was covered by a warm veil of a kindness so big it was lost in time. The day he accepted my duel and managed to defeat me, instead of making fun of me or scolding me for breaking the code, he treated me equally and offered me his friendship so I could use him to improve myself. Of course I didn't do it, with time I found his company so pleasurable he became another piece of my heart and a component of my daily life. I saw how they raised Aslan with different methods, I introduced my wife to them first because I really wished they liked her so they could be friends. I almost cried of happiness when they welcomed her, and I still remember how in hurry I was to show them my newborn son, and how often I brought Denara to them so he could enjoy their company. My wife scolded me because she said our son had to socialize with other kids, but turns out Denara wanted to play only with Aslan and Byakkomaru. Those two basically raised my kid as well, they did so much for me I could continue this for centuries.

They are my brothers, I love both of them so dearly I cannot put it into words, and knowing I hurt them, killed them is something that goes beyond breaking my soul in pieces so little it would never go back as before.
I'm a very loyal and devoted person, I'd break all of my bones and more if that means help the ones I love, I would never lift a finger to hurt them or insult them, I cannot bring myself to even insult them for a joke. I take this matter so seriously that I almost cut my fingers off because I chose the wrong present for my son and Astra. I was ready to be tied and thrown into the abyss because I didn't knock and I saw my wife naked without her permission.
I felt so powerless when Astraea was having his episodes of mental illness, I cried seeing him so broken and I had no idea how to help if not under Oberon's advices. I felt physically sick for how worried I was and I rudely kept watching over him because I was terrified at the thought that he could even think of taking his own life, blinded by others' cruelty and not seeing his own self-worth.