Black Star

Page 09: Hand of Sorrow

Y/n's POV

I don't want to cry in front of so many people, so I suck up everything and with a deep sigh, I stand on my feet.
I walk to the villagers and flash a little smile, sitting with the intent of waiting for someone to take care of them. I can heal them too, but I reached my limit for today.

I look at the monsters' bodies vanishing to ashes and I feel anger and regret growing inside of me. I'm angry at that bastard, but also with myself. The regret grows together with my anger, because if I was stronger I could use my family's power more often and those two guys wouldn't have met that end.
The only thing I regret is that I'm a human, even training hard my body will remain too weak to handle my family's power. My body breaks and bleed when it reaches the limit, and that stops me to go over the line to save those poor souls.

Scorpius and the others always say that it's a balance I can't break. If I die because I want to save one more person, many others will die. So if I rest and one dies, it's a worthy sacrifice to save many more another day.
I know they are right and they say those things because they care about me, but I'm greedy and I really want to save not as many people as I can, but everyone.
And here is where the regret is born. I am not capable of saving everyone... Just like the ones in the past, like the members of my family I lost and just like those two guys are added to my list of failures.

It's ok Y/n. Don't be so hard with yourself, we can try better next time.

Astraea... What's the point? I bear your powers but I couldn't save even two humans.

For how much I wished it, I'm not omnipotent. Even back at those days of bloody wars, there were many I couldn't save in time. It's not your fault, my child.

If I could use better this Grimoire, but my body does not allow me to...

As you know I'm not a human, my body is durable and hard to scar. I did insanities to save more lives, but I still failed. Not even God achieved what you wish, so don't blame yourself.

I will try... I sigh and put my head in between my knees.

"Hey Y/n, can I sit next to you?" Asta stays still until I look over him and nod to give him the green flag. "I'm stupid so I don't know how to say this... Um, I'm gonna be straightforward."

"Just say it in your own way." I encourage him. "I don't like when people try to be someone they are not."

"I wanna know about your Grimoire." I raise a brow.

"Just that?" I inquire puzzled.

"Well, there's also a question I want to ask, but first I'd like to see your Grimoire. You know, I don't have any mana and I can't feel it during battles and such, but strangely when you or that dude do something... I do feel it."

Astraea, what do you think? I use this pause to know how should I proceed.

Let him see it. He's harmless towards us and he's able to keep a secret.

"Here." I hand it to Asta. I have to hold back a chuckle because he takes it and holds it like it's the most precious and fragile thing he ever saw.

"It's so beautiful..." he talks with himself as he runs his hand across the cover, gently tracing the golden drawings and words with his fingers. "May I open it?"

"Yeah." I watch his reactions and his eyes sparkle innocently at the content of the pages.

"I never went to school, so I don't know what are these..." he says staring at the drawings. "Are they... stars?"