The Real Izuku

Work or Feelings

    Kaachan was here? He wants to talk about what's going on? How does he know? Oh my god he knows. He's never going to let me live it down. He's going to reject me in the worst way possible. He's goi-

    "Oh you're awake. I just came up to check on you before going to class. I'll bring you back some packets and books to study with but you just rest. You look exhausted."

    He still cares about me? Does he like me back? No, that can't be it. He doesn't care. He just wants me well so he can catch up to me while I'm at my best. When I'm like this I'm not at my best. I'll stop worrying about it for him. That way he no longer feels like he has to take care of me.

    "Thanks Kaachan." He went to close the door then stopped.

    "Oh and another thing," This is where he's going to crush me. I just know it. "Don't let the idiot that doesn't like you get you down. He doesn't know what he's missing."

    He doesn't know it's him. Or maybe he does and he's just trying to let me down gently while also being an asshole and give me false hope so he can crush me brutally. Ugh, why can't I read him. I can read anyone but him. That's why he got top marks in secrecy. No one can read this guy.

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     He made good on his promise to bring me study material. He decided to stay though to help me with whatever I don't know. It's not like im upset he stayed, I just can't focus. I keep looking over to him.

     There's a lot of things I've never really noticed about him. The way he sits, the way he holds his pencil, how he holds his jaw when he's thinking. I thought I knew these things but he's changed. I never had the time to study him for three whole years. I was too focused on other things.

    "Tell me about him." Huh? "Well you're not focusing on the work in front of you so talk. Tell me about this guy who has you so messed up."

    "Why do you want to know?"

    "Well I need to judge whether or not he's good enough for you. Is he respectful?" I guess I can tell him some things

    "When he wants to be, but usually no." He doesn't look too happy about that.

    "If he's not respectful then why do you like him? There's no way he will respect you. If you date someone who won't respect you then you will continue to hurt." Why does he care so much? "I don't want you hurting."

    "He's not respectful but there are a lot of great qualities to him. He is caring when he wants to be but he doesn't often show it. He defends what he believes in. He puts his goals first, determined to reach them no matter the cost. He is super strong, strong enought to protect himself and others. A true hero if you ask me. I look up to him even if he doesn't know it." Why do I defend him like this?

    "Does he even care about you?" Why does he want to know? "Because to me it sounds like you're just watching him from the sidelines. What do you even know about this guy other than what you hve told me?"

    "He does care. I don't know why but he does. I think he views me more as a friend or collegue though. Plus, I don'teven know if he's gay. He'snevrr shown any interest in anyone." It hurts to say but it's true.

    "I hate that type. Just can't read them. It actually surprised me when Aux and Ponytail started dating. I thought Aux was aromantic for a while and I was almost certain that Ponytail had a thing for Icyhot."

    "Well what would yoh do in this situation." I will do what he tells me even if it hurts.

    "I honestly don't know. Dating hasn't ever been my thing." I knew it. "I just never had the time to commit to someone so I've pushed all of the feelings I've ever had for any guy down to the pits of hell to burn." Well now I know he likes guys at least.

    "So what's your type?" Why did I just ask that? Even he looks shocked.

    "What do you mean?" Bitch I swear.

    "Like do you prefer the studious guys or the bad boy. Do you like them younger than you or older. Tall or short. Long hair or sbort hair. Do you like the obvious gays or the type that decieve women into thinking their straight then make the women irritated because she never had a chance."

    "I just like guys that can take care of themselves but also let me help them. I like to feel needed but not needed so much that I become like their parent." That doesn't narrow it down to anyone. All of us guys here can take care of ourselves. "I guess I like them powerful. I like them flirty but not so flirty as to embarrass me in public. I want someone who can lead but will allow me to take the reigns as well."

    "So Kirishima." He's powerful. I've seen him flirt several times but it was subtle. I know he is a leader but he will follow Bakugou anywhere.

    "I will admit at one point I thought that maybe I could date him, but then I realized I only want him as a friend."

    Then who else would fit that description? Kaminari and Sero are too flirty. Iida, Koda, Sato, and Minate is straight. Todoroki is just a whole mess of confusion, but powerful.  Aoyama is too self indulgent for Bakugou. Who else is there? Maybe someome at the base. Maybe he fell for Vixen after I broke his heart. Wait, no one said he currently liked anyone.

    "Why are you suddenly interested in dating anyways? You have more important things to worry about, like whether or not you will do hero work or go straight to building up the Ravens power."

    "I've already made up my mind on what I am going to do. I've talked to the main crew and they agree that I should do this. It will increase the strength of the Ravens and allow me to do hero work.

    It's also not dating that I'm worried about. All that happened is that I discovered that I fell in love with someone who may not even love me back and it hurts.

    I'm just a teenager Kaachan. We all are and a lot of people seem to forget that, even us. We learn to fight, to defend ourselves, and where we stand in the world at a young age. All of our class knows where we will fall after we graduate and we have accepted it, but we are still teenagers. We have crushes, we gossip and flirt, we do stupid shit and worry over stupid shit. I just happen to be worrying over something as stupid as unrequited love."

    "Ok then how about this? You said you have a plan for the Ravens right?" I nod. "Does this plan involve this guy or is he even part of the Ravens?"

    "Well, the guy is part of the plans but only for one reason."

    "How would the others view it if you got to dating this guy and he ended up part of your big plan?"

    "Brother Tanaka already knows I have feelings for this guy and what I plan to offer him. He agrees that he is the best guy for the job though. Everyone who knows agrees. Even Slim, who I poured my heart out to after getting drunk. I don't think they'd complain, but I see your point. It wouldn't look good to start dating someone then do that. I get it. Job first, stupid feelings later. That's always been the Raven way." I just wish the jobs and feelings could play on the same team.