01.08.2021
I feel like I'm more peaceful than I've been for quite a time now.
I feel like I've healed a lot during the past months
And it bothers me that there's still such a fucking long way to go.
Life will never get easier.
Especially not for people like me, with several mental health diagnoses.
I guess I'll have to get used to it.
And there's no easy way out of that.
I sometimes fear that I will never be happy, or that I'm cursed.
————
I wrote a poem or a rant last december and it scares me a little because I wrote this out of a very somber place of my heart and it still resonates deeply with me:
07.12.2020
I think I'm the saddest I have been in a very long time.
I hate the circumstances surrounding my life right now.
I hate the virus.
I hate distance.
I hate being abandoned over and over again.
And I feel so goddamn lonely.
I feel cursed.
I feel like my emotions are destroying me from my inside out;
I'm feeling way too alive but at the same time I think I died a long time ago.
And I really just want all of this to stop,
but this is going to take a lot longer than I could have expected.
Healing is going to take forever.
I'm drowning; no one can help me.
I feel at the mercy of my inner demons
And my feelings are getting deeper and deeper;
There's no end to this.
Will I ever be happy?
Can I ever be saved?
When will all this pain stop?
Am I even strong enough for all of this?
YOU ARE READING
Memoires of an everchanging spirit
Poetry„Memoir" (french: memory) //unfortunately, I can't turn off the swirling thoughts and memories in my head, but at the same time there is so much I never want to forget this is my life and I want to remember how I felt during these crucial moments w...
