Memoires of an everchanging spirit

Life could never be boring

This is something I have to get off my chest and this doesn't mean to come off as insensitive;

I don't understand how there are people growing up with a superficial world view, avoiding dark topics and feelings as soon as they arise

I have never been that way

I don't know if I've been "incredibly mature for my age" or life just never spared me

I never had a chance to be a child, in a cruel home, so I had been thrown into adulthood in a child's body

I know for certain that I understand the world and human life in an incredibly profound way many people maybe never will

And while many people's maturing journeys consist of recognizing how unjust and gruesome the world actually is; how much grief and sadness there is to actually feel and hold;

My personal journey of maturing probably consists of learning how to truly see the light shimmering through all the darkness clouding my view

I have always been a sad little child,
and this sad little child will always be my best friend accompanying me

I will always be perceived as "emo"

Because the clothes that I wear and the music I listen to
And the way I navigate through this world;

I embody the sadness this world holds

I don't turn my head away from the cruelty and morbidity of human experience, while society forces you to keep everything superficial on a small-talk level

I don't understand how there are people who don't want to find out about the essence of life

How they're content living on autopilot in a world and community they know absolutely nothing about, and it doesn't even bother them?

It's almost like they don't want to truly experience being alive

I don't know if my "diagnoses" supposedly gave me the ability to experience human existence to its fullest degree

What a gift this actually could be

I think the whole essence of life is connection

Feeling profoundly connected to the humans you surround yourself with

human connection is basically the only thing worth living for in my opinion; what it's all about

So how are there so many people walking around this society, completely disconnected from themselves? Disconnected from their feelings and hearts and hopes?

How can you not see that life is such a wonderfully emotional experience?

Don't you know how beautiful music is? Have you listened, how it can shake your entire soul within seconds?

How mesmerizing the colors of the sunset are and how incredible it is that phenomena like rainbows even exist?

That there is fire and rain and lightning and flowers blooming?

How amazing it is that every single human being is able to experience and give love in so many various forms?

Death and rebirth

I swear to god I will say this again and again but I want to experience life to it's fullest possible extent

I only live once so I better see it all

I want to hold the hands of dying elderly people when they're taking their last breaths

I want to love fearlessly

I want to smile and laugh until my stomach hurts and I'm barely even breathing

I want to connect with people intellectually on a level where you just philosophize about life for hours and hours

I want to hold my dearest ones tightly while they break down in my arms so I can wipe away the tears from their cheeks

I want to adopt children one day and raise them and give them a beautiful, beautiful childhood and a home filled with warmth, love and unconditional acceptance and support

It infuriates me that this mindset I live by is considered uncommon and extraordinary, that only a minority of people think and feel like me

Maybe I really had to go through all of this trauma to be able to see what meaning life holds

How precious being alive is

How much there is to experience

And I am only 22 years old

I am so excited to see what the universe has planned for me because I feel like there are really big things awaiting me and I am just at the beginning of it all

I have the feeling that I will influence a lot of people in my life and I hope I can be a mentor one day,
inspiring people to rediscover the true joy they have lost inside of themselves and broaden their perspective of the world and life in itself

I know I will be misunderstood by most people I meet but still, every once in a while, extraordinary people enter my life who share my mindset and the way my heart feels like from the inside; like our souls are made of the same fabric

And this gives me so much hope

Life indeed is so magical.