Memoires of an everchanging spirit

Dissolving into silence./

My heart has never felt so heavy.

I wake up and tears burst out of my eyes

My mind is turning blank because I can't carry the weight of my emotions

And my heart is so heavy but also so empty at the same time

And I'm turning into silence.

I'm not even able to listen to music anymore.

I want to dissolve

I'm just a sad spirit with no direction

I wanted peace and quiet and room for healing but instead I received what feels like endless suffering.

I don't think I will ever get over you.
I mean you showed me what real love means
You're engraved in my bones and my soul and the insides of my heart,
You even left marks on my skin.

I try to tell myself this is the right decision,

But I'm barely eating and I've turned into a ghost

I try to live on with my daily life and distract myself

But I have lost the person that meant the most to me.
I would've given you the world
I've never loved anyone harder than you

You held and carried my heart gently, like no one has ever done before

And I got to know you and your inner child like barely anyone does

So how the fuck is letting you go the right decision?

Like, rationally it makes sense,
We weren't working out in the end and we each have too big of a package to carry right now to make this work out

So it was right, I guess
Leaving us behind and opening the door for deep healing

It just doesn't feel this way

And I wanna go back to the days we would smile and giggle and cuddle in bed and smoke cigarettes together

But it's never going to be as it used to be;
The chapter is closed now.

All the things are said and all the words have been spoken and endless tears streamed out of our eyes.

You know how important you are to me and I know how important I am to you.

I really wish we had more time together.

But I'm afraid we will have to close the book as well now and put it away. (It breaks my heart and soul apart)