[monday, 01.08.22 21:00]
Sunset.
A safe space
SCREAMING ON THE ROOFTOP.
It echoes between the buildings
My body tensing up
and I feel like I'm exploding from the inside
It all wants out
Breathless, my lungs are giving in
Adrenaline rushing through my veins
I'm burning up
My voice turning hoarse
I didn't know I carry so much anger within me.
I don't recognize the depth and this intense agony inside my voice;
I kind of scare myself a little even.
I think I've never screamed this loudly in my entire life,
I've never been taught how to express anger in a healthy way
For the first time,
You dared me to finally let it out
All this destructive energy that has been building up
And I didn't know what to do with it
I'm not one to be angry at people
I want to forgive
But I'm angry at myself
I'm angry at you
I'm angry at my parents
I'm angry because I abandon myself over and over again
I'm angry at people taking my kindness for granted
I'm angry at feeling nervous every fucking day
I'm angry for feeling so goddamn STUCK
I'm angry for procrastinating
I'm angry for betraying myself and becoming a ghost, starving myself
I'm angry for being too scared to set firm boundaries and actually sticking to them
I'm angry at my life
I'm angry at the world
I'm angry for not being able to be alone by myself and feeling like I always need someone around me
And most of all I'm angry for not realizing sooner that I've spent the last two years deteriorating and feeling like I'm at the mercy of my own life
I'M DONE.
I'M LITERALLY DONE.
I'M FUCKING DONE FEELING THIS WAY
I'M SO DONE
I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
I'M SO FUCKING DONE.
And I realize I am the creator of my own life;
I am the only person responsible to pick this shit up I'm calling my life, to grab it with my hands and build something great out of it.
A life I can finally enjoy
A life filled with joy and content and safety within myself and authenticity and boundaries and healing
Peace of mind
It's like I'm finally awakening
And I'm realizing how much is going wrong
I'm long overdue for change
And I've come a long way.
"You know anger is the fuel to change?
There is no change without anger.
Every person who changed the world for the better, who went on the streets protesting;
they did it out of anger.
People start healing their mental health out of anger, because they're fed up with feeling miserable.
You started setting boundaries out of anger, because you want to be treated right.
So it's obvious why you feel stuck.
It's because you're trying to suppress your anger and you push it away instead of befriending it,
Instead of letting it finally out,
and letting it be your guiding flame.
Your anger is angry,
It wants out.
And you have every right to be angry.
And you're also allowed to be angry at people, only then you can give them the opportunity to change aswell.
Anger is the fuel to change,
And you desperately need change right now.
So let it out!
Don't let this anger become destructive agony.
You know, anger is actually a nice feeling when you let yourself feel it, because it makes you feel empowered.
So let you anger be angry,
You have every right to feel so.
Use that anger inside of you for change."
YOU ARE READING
Memoires of an everchanging spirit
Poetry„Memoir" (french: memory) //unfortunately, I can't turn off the swirling thoughts and memories in my head, but at the same time there is so much I never want to forget this is my life and I want to remember how I felt during these crucial moments w...
