Sunflower Feelings - Roger Taylor

𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙗𝙮𝙚

A/N: HEYY!! it's me! after like... two years? it was bothering me taht the story wasn't finished, so i just wanted to come back and write an ending for you guys. there's probably two chapters coming after this. i'm sorry for not updating this. thank you for the support and i hope you enjoy :)

Time skip, two years - 1976

narrator's pov

everybody loved Jill. everyone knew that. how could you not? her flowy hair dancing with the wind, her rosy cheeks lighting up everytime she smiled, and those lips. oh god those lips. makes you want to just drown in the sweet taste of them. that was just the looks though, her personality was even better.

you crush on the looks but actually fall in love in the personality, isn't that right?

she was sweet, kind, so open minded. so free. she didn't plan things, she lived how she wanted. so free. so so kind.

but kindness comes with the unspoken side effects, doesn't it? people always tell you to be kind to others, but what about yourself? no one tells you to be kind to yourself. she wasn't kind to herself, but too kind to him.

god, he was stupid. how could he ever live with himself, when all the shitty things he had done came crawling into his mind late at night, while she should've been laying next to her.

but no. she was god knows where. god knows with who. the guilt was eating him alive. cause he knew he was the reason she wasn't there anymore. but he truly, deeply hoped that she was happy.

flashback

everybody was looking for her. it was their big day, but she was nowhere.

he knew he had fucked up. he knew that she wasn't coming. she was never going to be Jill Taylor.

even the sunflowers in the corner of the room looked sad.

"fuck Brian." he whispered under her breath. "fuck fuck fuck!"  the said tall man, Brian, just sat there, looking sadly at his best friend, who was crying his eyes out. on the other side, was John, looking helplessly around, trying to think optimistic, but he knew it wasn't no use. they were all in their nice tuxedos, while her beautiful bell sleeve dress was just sitting alone at the corner.

"Roger." came a sudden voice, from the doorway. they all shot their heads up.

"found her?" asked Brian, hope in his eyes. cause this wasn't hard just for Roger, it was hard for all of them.

"No. but i found this. i read it." the man at the doorway said, coming closer, handing Roger a piece of paper.

"thank you, Fred." Roger said, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his suit.

"i love you Roger, you know i do.
i just needed to be free. i couldn't.
i don't belong here, and i never will.
don't forget about me, i won't forget about
you either, i promise! i've got the sunflower
necklace you got me, when we
were in California. it's like i'm
carrying you with me, always.
we'll see each other again.
you guys will be a big thing!
i promise to come watch you,
when you come here.

Till the next goodbye.
(i love you too Freddie, John and Brian,
don't you dare forget about me)

- Jill"

"WHERE?" Roger suddenly yelled after reading the note. "where the fuck is she? what does she mean with "when you come here"?!"

the other men looked at each other sadly.

end of flashback.

every day was the same. wake up. go to the studio. stay there till midnight. smoke a joint. go back to sleep. that was all his life was anymore. he still had no idea where she was. but he knew why she wasn't there.

of course he knew. he wasn't that stupid. he didn't deserve her. he had fucked up so many times it was a miracle that she stayed for so long.

was he mad at her? so mad, but he was much more mad at himself. he was the blame. and how could he ever stop someone from being free?

sometimes Roger thought she would be coming back. knocking on his door. he wouldn't even be angry with her. he would hold her there for as long as he could. but no, she was not coming back. it's been two years for god's sake.

...

"Rog i think it's time you find someone new." Freddie hiccuped from behind his drink.

"he's drunk out if his mind but he's right." Brian agreed.

"i've had girls around" Roger mumbled.

"No, i mean- i mean like a proper thing." Freddie slurred.

he had tried, really. after a year of living in total melancholy he started going out again. meeting up (hooking up) with a few girls on the way. but it was so hard for him to just settle down with someone, just like it was before. "i'm not looking for anything serious right now."

he took a sip of his beer and a drag of his ciggarette.

"a friend of mine is single you know." Veronica said matter-of-factly, completely ignoring what Roger had just said.

he just sighed and slumped further against the soft sofas of the pub they were at.

"lads. maybe this is good for Roger. to not be in a committed relationship right now. we're going on america again very soon, and that just would complicate everything. let him be free and stupid while we're at the tour okay?"

"thank you John."

Roger was happy for the next American tour to begin very soon. the thrill of the rush. knowing that there were thousands of people coming to watch them. the adrenaline he got when he banged those drums on the stage. it was amazing. the feeling was euphoric.

"i'm so excited to go to California again!" Freddie exclaimed and raised his, maybe 10th glass of beer.

Roger was excited too.

isn't it ironic how sunflowers grow more at night?