Sunflower Feelings - Roger Taylor

𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚

hi guys sorry for the wait! to make up for it, this chapter is longer than usually!
i suggest listening to it's late by Queen and Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey while reading, if you want. sorry for grammar mistakes.
enjoy!

Roger's pov.

the flight was horrible. it already felt so long, we weren't even halfway there. i felt angry, i felt sad but i also felt happy. all those three emotions combined... it was a mess in my heart. a war in my mind.

"mate, she's been there for like twenty minutes." John suddenly broke the awkward silence that had filled the plane since Jill decided to make that scene. or maybe i caused it, i shouldn't be the one blaming the other one.

"what about it?" i said coldly.

do you know the feeling when you don't really want to be rude, but you're just so confused, tired or mad that you are accidentally rude to someone who has nothing to do with you feeling like tha? to someone who makes you happy even. that's just how i felt at that moment.

"just saying. you should go check on her." he shrugged.

at that moment, it felt like someone had just shor a bullet through my heart. she had been there for twenty minutes... alone and sad. she never failed to surprise me, even in bad ways. god knows what she could have done there.

i quickly stood up and almost ran to the wc. i knocked on the door.

nothing.

i knocked again, a bit louder this time.

still nothing.

well, third time's the charm. i knocked again.

now answered with a loud sniff and a "what?"

it felt like there had been a fire in my heart and now it was finally out. just hearing her voice made me so happy. knowing that she's alright made me feel so relieved. i felt stupid for thinking whatever i had been thinking, but i couldn't help it.

"please let me in." i leaned against the door.

"why? what do you want?" she answered coldly.

i just groaned at first. "come on Jill. don't make this hard." sometimes i felt like she tried to make everything hard and always wanted to be the center of attention... maybe it was unfair thinking like that right now.

the lock opened slowly, and the second the door was unlocked, i opened it quickly and got in, closing the door behind me. it was a small space obviously, so i had to squeeze in a little. i looked down and saw Jill sitting on top of the toilet, the seat cover down, her chest against her legs and her face red and wet from probably tears. her petite nose was red and stuffy, and i could feel my heart clench painfully. i hated that it was always me who made her feel that way, but for some reason i never stopped hurting her.

i kneeled down so that i could face her, and i noticed she avoided eye contact.

"i'm sorry. i'm an arse." i started talking. "i'm not going to start making up things and say that i never looked at her or that she didn't flirt, cause that's not true. but i can say that those glances and looks mean nothing to me, her flirting means absolutely nothing to me."

"it feels like our looks, us, don't mean anything to you." she whispered.

"it does. you mean the world to me."

"but it feels like!" Jill raised her voice, almost like yelling. "there's a difference Rog! don't you understand? there's a difference between feeling it and it just existing, but not feeling it. you always say how i'm your everything but you don't show it." more tears started running down her cheeks.