Sunflower Feelings - Roger Taylor

𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚

Roger's pov.

it was the next morning, and i woke up in an unfamiliar looking room. i mean not completely unfamiliar, but it wasn't mine. the afterparty was crazy last night, i got super drunk and my head was aching like hell. turned around to look at the sleeping girl next to me. god she was hot, she didn't even have to try. her almost naked body that was half covered in the duvet was so beautiful. i didn't even notice that i was staring at her.

"Roger i can see you staring." she finally whispered.

"sorry Michelle. you're just hot." i chuckled and she snorted while opening her eyes. she was only seventeen, but i knew she had always gotten any guy she wanted. and now me.

this was just a one night thing, i guessed, so i got up from the bed, took my clothes and put them on. as soon as she saw that, she sat up. "oh you're leaving already? i thought we could go for a round or two?" she smirked.

"no i uh- i gotta go. i have to- oh fuck!" then it hit me. i promised to go over to Jill's house last night, and here i was, with some random - hot - girl who had probably fucked more guys, and girls, than she even remembers. not complaining or anything though, she can do whatever she wants. i rushed out of the room without another word and went to the door, put on my shoes and got out as quickly as possible.

i knew Jill would be mad, but she always gave up after a while, so i just needed to make her happy and she would forgive. i wasn't sure where i was, so just started running forward along the street. i knew i wasn't far, but not close eather.

after a while of just almost running i noticed a familiar market, the market where Jill used to work at. it didn't look really good, they were probably closing anytime soon. but because of the market, i knew i was close to her house, and i knew where i was.

it took about ten minutes, and i was at her house. i stood there in front of the door, fixing my hair and hesitating to knock. then, after a moment, i knocked. i heard a little noise and then the next thing i saw was Jill standing on the doorway, looking pissed. fuck. she didn't say anything, and walked to her kitchen. she didn't shut the door, so i guess it meant that i could come in.

i walked in and she was on the phone.
"yeah, sorry someone was at the door. mhmm. anyways, i've got to go now. yes, bye." she hung up and turned around to look at me, with a disappointed look.

"sorry i was talking to my mom. we're not so close but at least she calls me." she snapped. ouch.

"look Jill, i know i promised, but i got super drunk and i forgot and everything." i immediately regretted saying that i was drunk, that was always my excuse and she hated it.

"well of course you got drunk! you care about your drugs and drinks more than me, wow." she scoffed, crossing her arms and walking past me to her living room, i of course followed.

"Jill i'm sorry, alright? i love you."

"that's what you say! you always say that you're sorry and you love me, but you never show it. god knows how many times i have seen you showing... you know.. things, to girls you have just met, and girls you'll never talk to again. the way you stare at their asses shows more interest than you have showed me lately!" she huffed.

"we're not even together, what do you care?!" i had really bad temper. i got angry very easily. i hated when people complained about the things i do or the bad habits that i have, and she knew it.

"wow. that's how much you care about me?!" her voice starting to break and her eyes starting to water, i knew she was hurt, but i couldn't bring myself up to apologize. yet. "you know, i would do anything to be with you! i've been in love with you for only about five months, but they feel like forever. everytime you're with me, i actually forget we aren't together. i don't understand why!" she continued and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"i told you, it's just not the best time for me."

"but you always say i'm the most important person to you, and you would so anything for me and-"

"i'm not fucking ready for a serious relationship! i promise we will be togther one day." i dont understand why we made this so complicated. we were like off and on, one day we're arguing and the next day we're like on our honeymoon or something. well, we didn't use to fight a lot, but lately she was just so moody, like a little teenager.

there was a reason i didn't want a relationship with her, it was not that i didn't love her like that, i truly did, but i couldn't even trust myself. i fucked up all the time and i was scared anout commitments. i could be only Jill's but everytime i had a good thing going on, i always fucked it up because i got drunk or high or something like that. i hated myself for it.

"yeah ONE DAY! when is that day gonna come huh?! maybe once you stop fucking everyone you see?! or maybe once you can keep you fucking dick in your pants? oh, i know! maybe once you can stop being a fucking alchoholic-" a loud slapping noise cut her off, and silence filled the room.

i couldn't believe i just had landed my hand like that on her. she put her hand on her cheek and suddenly burst out to loud sobbing. i didn't know what to say.

"oh my god baby, i'm so sorry i-" i stepped back a little. i hated myself.

"go away." she tried to yell, but her voice was breaking. i knew i shouldn't leave her, even if she wanted to, i would only make things worse.

"no no! i'm so sorry. sit down, i'll bring you something cold." i tried not to let my tears come down, but i failed.

she sat down on the sofa, and i ran to her kitchen. i took some ice from the freezer and wrapped it around a small towel and brought it to her. this is one thing that i liked about her, no matter what i did she would always let me at least try to fix it. i don't know if it was a good for her, but i did need second chances.

i sat down next to Jill and placed the towel carefully  on her cheek, that had a bright red mark on it. she winced a little at the sudden cold and the sudden touch. i noticed that she tried to avoid eye connection, and her eyes were like literally leaking, and red of course.

"i'm so sorry." i whispered.

"mhm." she just hummed in responce. that didn't sound very convincing.

"i love you. you're mine. i'm yours." i whispered.

she finally lifted her chin and looked up at me. i was waiting for maybe an 'i love you too' or something like that, but all i got was a cold hum again, but i didn't blame her. i was an asshole, and i was surprised that she even sat next to me and let me help.