Sunflower Feelings - Roger Taylor

𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙖 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚

Two days later.

Roger's pov.

I couldn't get Jill out of my bloody mind. i still didn't believe what i had just done with her before she headed to Steven. we really were crazy. i didn't know why she did what she did. was she just bored? or did she really want me in some kind of way? my head was hurting trying to figure everything out. were we going to keep doing this? or was it just a one time thing?

she was that one girl you'd always see in movies: her golden light brown hair flying in the wind while she was running in the meadow and dancing with the sunflowers, worrying about nothing, just living in the moment. i just couldn't stop thinking about her petite nose full of freckles and her messy hair on her face. and her lips... don't even get me started on those naturally plump red lips that tasted like strawberry with a hint of caramel. she smelled like roses and i swear i had never seen her own or put on any perfume. she was just perfect. she definetely knew how to enjoy life.

i hadn't seen Jill in two days, which was a little weird. she was always here. plus it was driving me crazy, two days wasn't much but it felt like forever when you were waiting and thinking about someone. i was starting to get a little worried, i admit. i tried to make myself not to do it but i was too stubborn, and i did it:

i was holding the phone on my ear, waiting for her to pick up. it took a little while until i heard an unfamiliar voice speak. it was a male.

'hey?' i heard him say.

'who's this?' i asked in confusion. 'where's Jill?'
i just wanted to hear her voice right now. maybe i called the wrong number?

'oh right sorry! this is Steven, Jill's boyfriend.' he said kindly. boyfriend?

'boyfriend?!' i snapped. oh my god i did not just say that out loud. fuck.

'yeah. um.. i suppose you're Jill's friend. she's taking a shower at the moment. should i tell her you phoned or..?' he said, still sounding kind, and probably not minding the shocked and mad tone in my voice.

i just mumbled as an agreement and hung up. i guess i should've seen this coming. i don't even know why i was so hurt, Jill and i were nothing. it still felt like my heart had just turned upside down and was unable to beat. okay yes, i did know why i was so hurt, but i still didn't want to admit it.

i was just sitting there on a chair in our kitchen, staring into nothingness, with a sad expression on my face. i didn't even realize that John had just walked in, he was now looking at me.

'you alright?' he suddenly asked, and that immediately made me jump.

'shit Deaks.. you scared the living demon out of me.' i said awkwardly, he raised his eyebrows. i then cleared my throat, realizing i couldn't avoud answering his question. 'i'm good. i just zoned off for a sec.'

'you sure?' he said. he was always so caring and we were really close to each other so he would always be the one who made sure i was okay and who calmed me down when i got angry. i just nodded.

the phone rang now, and it made me jump once again. i picked it up. now i heard the familiar voice i wanted to hear earlier.

'hello. Steven told me someone had called, i guess it was someone of you guys.' it was Jill.

'yeah.. yeah it's me Roger.' i replied, a bit unamused. 'you haven't came or even called in two days.'

'i know! i'm so sorry! it's just now that Steven and i are-' heard the girl talk on the other side of the phone. she just sounded like nothing had ever happened between us, like she was talking to her brother or something.

'dating! i know.' i said without even realizing that i now sounded angry. 'i just wanted to make sure you're ok. i suppose you're doing really great! congratulations to the new couple hope you have the time of your lives.' okay even for me, that was so petty, but i just couldn't keep my bloody mouth shut. i hung up the phone. i kind of wanted her to feel bad for me and i wanted her to notice that she meant something for me. now i just sound like i'm desperate for attention..

i didn't remember that John was still there. he had heard my side of the whole conversation, and he knew i wasn't alright. i looked at him and he was already looking at me, with an expression that said 'what the actual fuck?'.

'i guess that explains something. who was it you were talking with?' John asked. i really did not wanna talk about it. i just sighed and rolled my eyes with a shrug. John understood that now was not the time, so he stopped questioning further. but i knew he was gonna come back to me about this.

i stormed to my room and almost slammed the door shut. right now i just needed something to take my mind off everything. i didn't even wanna think straight at the moment. i wanted more than just some vodka. i knew what i had in my mind and i was ready for anything.

i wasn't upset only because of Jill. i mean hell, this seems crazy! i'm thinking about a girl who i realized i liked only about a month ago, who was also my best friend's ex. but month is a long time in love. but i also was upset about other things, that i didn't even seem to know myself. for some reason it was hard time for me right now. i had hard time being calm, and i would get angry really easily. i also found myself waking up anywhere else but in my own bed, or in my bed but with a stranger, almost every morning after a crazy night. which i knew was unfair, since i was complaining about Jill being with someone while i was fucking every other girl in this town, though Jill didn't seem to mind. i wasn't even sure if she knew... well what the hell everybody knew. but i wanted to wake up next to her, not just for once, but a lot of times. also not just after a crazy night, but after every normal night. she didn't even know these things i desired. Steven could have her but i wasn't giving up.

i bent down to look under my bed and took a small bag out, and put it in my pocket. i then walked out of my room, put on my shoes and just walked out without saying a word. i knew just where i wanted to go.

it was now pretty late, and i was walking alone in the dark to my destination, wishing i could just disappear.

and soon i did feel like i was disappearing.