Nothing Ever Changes

Part 3

Whatever happened, happened. Last night was forgotten. Lindsey wasn't going to dwell on it. What good would it do? He spent the night in his studio and his clothes probably smelt of pot, but when he came into the house, he heard some noises in the kitchen, which is where he went, instead of going for a shower first.

"Good morning." Lindsey spoke up, trying to sound cheerful. 

"Morning." Kristen replied coldly as she stood by the stove, cooking breakfast. 

"I didn't come to bed last night, I didn't want to disturb you. You were probably asleep already." Lindsey had no intention of sleeping in their marital bed. 

"Didn't notice." She said, shrugging one shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, Lindsey moved to make himself a cup of coffee. He quickly realized that the fight between them had not been forgotten. 

"You slept well then?" He asked, waiting for the water to boil. Another shrug. "Kristen, what is the matter? You obviously have something to say, so say it! Don't give me this cold shoulder bullshit."

"I was making breakfast for myself, but I've suddenly lost my appetite. You can have that." Teeth gritted, Lindsey turned the stove off. His fingers wrapped around her forearm a little too roughly, intending to turn her so she'd face him. "The hell are you doing!"

Lindsey quickly stepped back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, but I'm at a loss here, Kit."

"I'm sorry, too." She said. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did and especially not yesterday, but it just brought up a lot of stuff."

"Well, what stuff? Tell me. I'm all ears." Lindsey stood with his arms crossed, waiting. 

"It bothers me, okay? It shouldn't, but it does." Hand on her hip, she continued. "We've been married for twenty years and I have never felt like I have you completely. When you left the band, I was hopeful, but some time passes and you've forgiven her already. I don't want to be involved in all-" She waved her hand in the air. "that. I don't want to be brought back in between you two again. I don't want to listen to you bitch about Stevie, when she does something that irritates you again. I just don't want to deal with it."

"I say Stevie's name once and you get all that? You think that I'm rejoining Fleetwood Mac tomorrow?" Lindsey almost laughed, he knew that wouldn't be appreciated. 

"No! But I know that if you had the chance, you'd go back. God knows why, but those people, that band mean a lot to you, which I understand, but you'd be back with her again and I can't- I just can't go through that again." Kristen shook her head, leaning against one of the kitchen counters.

"I'm pretty sure Stevie wants nothing to do with me." Lindsey shrugged, he accepted it. "And what do you mean, I'd be back with her?"

Kristen grew quiet, she cast her eyes down to the tiled floor. "Well, maybe not the way you used to..." She swallowed uneasily. "But you two have this- this crazy connection that I don't understand. I don't think anyone does. As your wife, I'm hurt by it."

"I've not been the best husband, I'll admit, but you know that I haven't... been with Stevie since-"

"Since Stella was born, yeah, you told me." This was not how she had imagined her morning was going to go. "But it doesn't matter. You think that I just forgot about it? That I don't think about it anymore? That it doesn't hurt me that my husband cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend for years, while I stayed at home, raising our kids?" She sighed, shaking her head. "I was happy, Lindsey. I would have never told you, but I was relieved, when you got fired. I thought, I'd never have to see her again in my life and be reminded of- of-"

"Kristen..." Lindsey felt like shit. They didn't talk about that, they pretended that they had moved on. He tried to place his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. "I'm sorry."

"That's all you ever say!" She yelled out. "Whenever you fuck up, you just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, comes much easier to you than saying, I love you."

"Well, I am sorry that you're feeling this way, but I honestly don't see why. There's no basis for you to be feeling this way." Lindsey pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. "I didn't say, I was speaking to Stevie again, I didn't say that I'm going back to Fleetwood Mac, I only told the story of one of my songs, Kristen, and you're here, telling me my whole future! I really don't get it!" He threw his hands up in the air, they then fell by his sides again. 

"That's the point - you don't get it! Never have." She pushed herself forward and was on her way out.

"Wait, we're not done talking about-"

"We are!" She yelled, already out of sight. "I am!"