Nothing Ever Changes

Part 40

When Lindsey opened his eyes the following morning, the other side of the bed was empty. He stretched out his arm and found it to be cold, too, which meant that Stevie had woken up a while ago. He rolled onto his back for several peaceful minutes, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. Pushing the covers off himself, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and walked out of the room. He heard movement in the kitchen, so that was were he went. 

"Good morning." Lindsey placed his hands on Stevie's shoulders and bent down to kiss the top of her head. 

"Morning." She looked up at him with a smile. 

"You're up early today." 

"Yeah, I fell asleep much earlier than I'm used to." She shrugged, sipping from her coffee cup. "Would you like some?"

"Thanks, I'll make it myself." Lindsey said, moving away from her. 

He thought, he could do it. He thought, he could wake up and they would have a nice morning together, chat about something unimportant, until they fully woke up and went on with their day. No. He knew, the longer he kept it to himself, the worse the outcome was going to be.

Forgetting about the coffee he was making, Lindsey turned around to face Stevie. "Kristen texted me last night, when you were already asleep."

"Oh." Stevie didn't know what else to say, she hoped, she didn't sound too disappointed. "Well..."

"I wanted you to know." Nothing. "Would you have preferred if I had kept it to myself?"

"It's really none of my business, Lindsey." Stevie shrugged, trying to appear unbothered. 

"Don't do that." He shook his head, closing the distance between them in a few wide strides. "We're honest with each other now, remember?"

She sighed, looking away. "I'm happy for you."

"What?" He frowned. "You're happy for me?"

"Well, yeah. It's what you wanted, isn't it?" 

"Stevie." Lindsey said, taking away her cup, so she would stop fidgeting. "I haven't even- all she said was that she wanted to come over. I have promised her, we'd talk."

"I know, so you should." Stevie tugged at a hair tie on her wrist, then a couple more times, pulling it farther away from her skin. "You said, you think that there's always hope."

"I did and I do, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to run back to her, just because she sent me a goddamn text!" He knew that was going to be her exact reaction, he was frustrated before they started talking. 

"You haven't divorced yet, you could just-"

"Would you stop?" Lindsey interrupted, raising his voice. "You can't decide for me. Stevie, things have changed lately. I thought about this differently before you came back to me. Don't you think that my mind has changed, too?" He asked, softening a little as he knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. "You don't trust me."

"No." Stevie answered honestly and he hung his head low. "You've chosen her over me before. It's just easier if I distance myself. It will hurt less, once you tell me that you're marriage is better than ever."

"It's not!" He insisted, standing up, running a hand through his curls. "My God, she just wants to talk!"

"She wants you back, Lindsey!" Stevie yelled back at him. 

"Who says, I want her back?" He pointed at himself for emphasis. "Stevie, I- I've already told you, how happy I am with you. I didn't expect for us to grow so close again. I-I..." He tried, then went silent. He began pacing around the kitchen, the silence unbearable. Fuck it. "I didn't expect to fall in love with you."

She turned her head to where he currently stood, eyes wide, mouth agape. "You..."

"And don't tell me that I don't. Don't tell me, how I feel." Again, Lindsey jabbed a finger into his chest. "I know, how I feel."

"Don't tell me that." Stevie shook her head, wiping a tear away. "Do not tell me that you're in love with me."

"Why not?" 

"Because, right now, I don't believe you. I can't." She added. "After you talk to your wife and if you make up your mind, maybe then I'll believe you."

"Stevie-"

She didn't stay for him to finish. She got up and rushed out. 

Angry, upset and utterly confused, Lindsey cursed out loud and slammed his fist on the nearest flat surface. What was he supposed to do now? She didn't believe him, she didn't trust him. If he followed after her, she wasn't going to talk to him. If he didn't follow and let her be, he'd only fill her head with more doubts.

Taking two stairs at a time, Lindsey approached the master bedroom. Much to his surprise, the door was left ajar. He pushed it open and saw Stevie curled up in the middle of the bed. Clenching his fists, he took a deep breath. There were only two options, both with a possibly horrible end result. 

"I'm sorry." Lindsey said, lying down beside her, spooning her from behind. "I just wanted to be completely honest with you, Steph." He wrapped his arm around her, when she didn't pull away. "I get that this is difficult for you, it is for me, too. I meant, what I said downstairs. I wouldn't toy with your emotions, not like this, not again." She didn't respond, only brought her hand up to her face to wipe away her tears. "It doesn't mean that I'm going to get back together with Kristen, just because I'm going to see her. I might have been happy if she had asked to come over two months ago, so we could try and work things out, but that's not the way I feel now." He sighed, wishing she'd say something. "I love you, Steph, I truly do. I'm going to leave you alone now, but I'll call you later today, okay?" He asked, having zero expectations to receive any sort of response. 

She nodded her head, squeezing his hand weakly.