Nothing Ever Changes

Part 20

Lindsey stayed silent. The only indication that he hadn't hung up was his steady, heavy breathing. Stevie tried being patient, using the time to go to her bedroom, while he mustered up the courage to say, whatever he wanted to say.

"But what, Lindsey?" She gave him a little push, her voice stounded calm and soothing in his ear. "I'm here, I'm listening. You don't have to be afraid to be open with me."

"Okay, I should probably keep this to myself, though." He let out a nervous laugh. "Take it, whichever way you will. I don't know, what I mean either, but..." Again, he stopped at that damned word. "Christ, you're gonna think, I'm crazy."

"I already do." Stevie smiled, hearing some shuffling around on the other end. "Well?"

"I miss you, okay?" Lindsey came out with it at last. "I realize that we saw each other just hours ago, but I miss you already." He didn't give her the chance to interrupt, mainly because he was afraid that she would say something he didn't want to hear. "Today hasn't been easy. We've said a lot of things to each other and I know, we have some deep rooted issues, but at the same time, I'm... I'm so happy, you know? I don't really know, how to put it into words, the way I'm feeling right now."

It was Stevie's turn to be quiet. She wasn't sure, what to expect from him. They'd never been very good at communicating, certainly not opening about their feelings and emotions they were experiencing. Now, though, now he put himself in a vulnerable position, he told her exactly what was on his mind. She wasn't used to that.

"I take it, this is your turn to torture me with silence." Lindsey sighed after giving her a minute. "You don't have to say anything, Stevie. You can hang up the phone, I'll understand. I told you, we shouldn't talk tonight."

"My God, Lindsey. Would you stop and breathe for a second?" She was afraid, she sounded a lot harsher than she had intended to, she softened her voice. "I miss you, too. I watched you leaving my driveway, unsure if you were ever going to come back and that thought's been killing me since the second you walked out of my house."

"Seriously?" It was a dumb question, she wouldn't have said that if she hadn't meant it. "Steph, I..."

"It's okay. I know." 

"What, you've learned how to read minds in your spare time?" His joke gained a chuckle, which relaxed him. "I promised myself not to rush, to take things slow. There's still so much for us to resolve and I swore, I wasn't going to get all emotional and just blurt things out. But it's you, Stevie. I can't hold back, when it comes to you."

"Neither can I." She admitted. "I was so scared, when you told me, you were coming to see me today. I barely had any sleep. I was a ball of nerves on legs - a nightmare to be around. Just ask Karen."

"I don't think, I have to." He added. "Speaking strictly from experience. Are you still scared?"

Stevie didn't have to think about her answer. "Not at all. I saw you and I knew, we were going to be okay." Her voice sounded hoarse, when she spoke up again. "I need us to be okay, Linds. Even if it was my own doing, I can't be separated from you for any number of years again. Who knows, how much we've got left."

"Hey, don't say that."  She heard him sniffle. "I promise you, we are going to be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He assured. "We've been through a lot worse. When I think about it, when I imagine my life with you in it... I can't count the times we've argued, I can't even remember what those arguments were about. I think of how many times you've made me so freaking mad that I wanted to punch a wall or flip over a table. You've made me so angry over the years that I wanted to hurt you on numerous occasions. Not physically, of course. Never. But then I think about my life without you and... and it's not wat I want to imagine my life being."

"God, Lindsey..."  She was openly crying and he knew.

"Do you want to know, why?" He asked and she mumbled something, which sounded similar to a yes. "Because I have never stopped loving you, Stevie. Not for one day. The love I have for you has definitely changed forms, but the fact remains the same. It's - it's because I love you."

He didn't receive a response. She just let her phone slip out of her hand, before she covered her face and cried her heart out. He stayed on the line, reassuring and comforting her, hoping that she was able to hear him.