Nothing Ever Changes

Part 10

'I'm sorry. Know that I'm thinking about you. I think about you. I'm probably the last person you'd want to talk to, but if you need to, know, you can.'

Lindsey didn't know how to react. He must have read the message about fifty times until eventually he just blankly stared at his phone. If someone had told him, Stevie would reach out today, he would have laughed in their face. He didn't think that he mattered to her anymore, not one tiny bit. Considering years of silence, he believed that she truly had moved on from whatever they had between them. Why did she choose to contact him today, though? Was it because she wanted him to open up and spill all of the reasons, why Kristen had filed for divorce? Or was it because she genuinely felt for him?

He knew if he didn't respond right away, Stevie was going to start overthinking and regret sending that text, but Lindsey simply couldn't. He didn't want to just reply with a quick thank you. He knew her, she'd find a reason to get offended, he didn't want that. He wanted to think it through, he had to carefully consider his words before he said something. It resulted into hours of pacing around his studio, the house and the backyard. He stood, staring into the distance, he sat, he lay, he tried eating dinner, but he only managed a couple of bites. 

It was getting late. Lindsey was sure that Stevie was going crazy, that he might very well be the reason, why she couldn't fall asleep. If she truly cared, that is. He'd picked up his phone several times and begun typing a response, then dropped it. Nothing seemed to make sense, when he read it back. It was nearing 3 am, he was completely positive that she was still awake, though.

First things first. Lindsey rolled himself another joint, he didn't know, how many he'd enjoyed already, but he needed to try and calm his nerves down. Here goes nothing, he thought.

It took a long time before his call was answered. He took a look to make sure the line hadn't gone dead. Silence followed. He could hear her breathing quietly, but she hadn't spoken up yet.

"This isn't Karen, is it?" Lindsey asked and the light chuckle on the other end made him relax.

"No, it's me." Stevie said. "Karen would have started yelling right away."

"Hasn't changed, has she?" 

"Not at all. I'm sorry, it took me so long to pick up. You know all about my non-existent relationship with technology."

Lindsey smiled to himself. "All too well. I'm sorry, it took me so long to get back to you." 

"It's okay." Her voice sounded calm and even, which told him that she probably meant it. "Are you smoking?" She asked, hearing a long, steady inhale.

"Yeah. I can't drink, so..."

"You really shouldn't." As soon as the words came out, Stevie regretted saying them. "I'm sorry, it's not my place."

"No, you're right. I'd probably just go back to my old ways." Lindsey agreed, taking another drag.

They grew quiet. There was so much they wanted to say, but they both held back, hoping that wasn't the first and last time they were talking to each other.

"Why did you text me, Stevie?" Lindsey asked after a moment of silence.

"I, uh- because... because I was shocked by the news. Honestly. I know, your marriage wasn't perfect, I definitely contributed to it not being everything it was meant to be, but I also know you. I know that you're sad and upset, and hurting. I guess, I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I realize that I've fucked everything up badly, you probably don't even care about me anymore, but..." She paused. "But I do still care about you."

"Of course, I care." Lindsey sighed. "I just... it's been three years, Stevie. I thought, I'd never hear from you again." She didn't respond. "Whatever you're thinking, I can tell you one thing - I don't hate you." He heard her trying to muffle her sniffling. "Don't cry."

"I'm just... God, there are so many things I want to apologize for."

"Not tonight, okay?" 

Swallowing back tears, Stevie replied. "Not tonight."

"It's late. Or early." Lindsey added. "At least, it is for me. I should go to bed and so should you."

"Is this it, Lindsey?" Stevie rushed to ask in case he was about to hang up.

"Do you want it to be?" He replied with a question back, holding his breath.