Nothing Ever Changes

Part 9

"Your dinner's gone cold." Karen noted, she couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Do you want me to reheat it for you?"

Slowly, Stevie slipped back from her thoughts to the present and glanced at her assistant. "Uh, no. Thanks." She pushed the plate away. "I'm not really hungry."

Resting her glasses on her forehead, Karen sighed, rubbing at her tired eyes. "So, you're just never going to eat until he replies? What if he never responds? You'll die of starvation?"

"Not today, Karen. I'm sorry, okay?" Stevie held Lily close, cuddling the small dog to her chest. "I've taken a massive step and...  I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have. What if he misunderstood? What if he thinks that I'm interested just because he's getting divorced? This is Lindsey we're talking about."

"No, it's you and Lindsey we're talking about, your fucked up relationship." Karen thought she was done with it, she truly believed that she was never going to have to deal with the two of them again. "Relax, okay?" She gave Stevie's hand a supportive squeeze and a smile to match. "I'm sure he's got a lot going on right now, he'll get to it."

"Yeah, but what if he doesn't? What if he's decided that I'm a coldhearted bitch for not reaching out after all this time?" Stevie cocked her head back and ran a hand through her hair. "Why are we so goddamn complicated?" It was mostly a rhetorical question. 

"Haven't you been always?" Karen raised an eyebrows, but Stevie didn't answer. "Listen, you're right, you did take a huge step today, but it must be a difficult day for Lindsey. First, he announces the new album, then the fact he's getting divorced becomes public knowledge. Imagine just how many people are trying to reach him for a few words. Who knows, maybe he hasn't even seen the text yet."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." Stevie said, a weak smile on her lips. "But thank you."

"Maybe you should go to bed earlier tonight." Karen suggested, already awaiting an eyeroll.

"I think, I will. I'll just write a little or read something in bed." Stevie surprisingly agreed. "If I fall asleep, I don't have to think."

"Alright, good." Karen nodded, pushing her chair back. "Goodnight."

"Hey, uh..." Stevie cast her eyes down, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. "Could I maybe take your phone with me?" 

"What for?" Karen frowned, then her face softened. "Stevie, stop."

"No, I have to know if he responds." Stevie shrugged. "I can't leave him waiting and wondering if he decides to let me in just a tiny bit."

"You don't even know, how to use my phone." Karen teased. "You'll just come to wake me up instead."

"I'm really not in the mood." Stevie shook her head, a serious expression on her face.

"Fine." Karen sighed and went to look for a sticky note. A few minutes later, she returned and handed Stevie her phone with the note attached to the back. "If you want to unlock it, type in these digits, then you can open the text. If it comes." She added. "Seriously, though, just go to bed and get some sleep." 

Karen stood in the doorway a moment longer, seeing as Stevie remained seated, she decided to keep from saying anything else and walked away. It took Stevie about another half an hour, before she finally rose to her feet and made her way to her bedroom. She carefully placed Lily down on the bed, then went into the bathroom for her nightly routine. She doubted, she was going to fall asleep any time soon, but she was too nervous to do something. 

'I'm sorry. Know that I'm thinking about you. I think about you. I'm probably the last person you'd want to talk to, but if you need to, know, you can.'

Was it too little? Was it too much? There was a lot Stevie wanted to say. She thought of writing Lindsey a letter, then realized that she had no idea where he lived right now. A phone call definitely felt too much. He probably wouldn't have answered anyway. If he had, he might have just yelled at her, told her, he hated her or something else along the lines. She couldn't handle that. However, if Lindsey still was the same man from a few years ago, he'd understand. They might have been angry at each other most of the time, they might have even hated each other a little, but no one could deny that they had an incredible connection, whether they liked it or not. Sometimes, they didn't even need words to communicate. Opening their mouths was usually what got them in trouble. 

Even though she tried, Stevie couldn't fall asleep. She turned the bedside lamp on again and sat up, resting her back against the headboard. She read several poems from a book she currently hand on her nightstand. She filled up nearly three full pages of her journal. She checked the time. There was no chance Lindsey was still awake. It was close to 3 am, she should try to get some sle-

The phone started ringing. Even without her glasses, Stevie could figure out the caller. She prayed to God he wouldn't hang up before she could answer.