Nothing Ever Changes

Part 15

"I want to say something." Lindsey mustered up the courage at last, the words were on the tip of his tongue since the moment they sat down.

"Oh?" Stevie pulled her feet up off the floor and sat cross-legged. 

"Before we started talking again..." He scratched the back of his neck, his gaze shifting from one object in the room to another. "I've done some interviews, a podcast, too."

"Okay, well, that's what you do to promote a new album, isn't it?" She had a feeling of where he was going with that.

"Right, but of course there were questions about you." His eyes finally settled on her, but it was her turn to look away. "I don't know if you even read any of those magazines, but..." He sighed. "Well, I wasn't very nice towards you in some of them. To be completely honest, I said some stuff I don't even fully believe myself, but I kind of hoped that you'd find out and maybe that would trigger a response from you."

"Lindsey, I..." She shrugged, focusing on her empty cup. "You have every right to be mean to me. You have every right to talk shit about me, call me a bitch, whatever. I deserve that."

"No, no that's not true." Lindsey insisted, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter what happened, you don't deserve to be publicly slated. I'm not saying that I've told any of the interviewers that you're the worst thing to ever happen to me, no, but still... I do feel bad about it. I realized later that we're back to playing childish games, well, I am, at least. I shouldn't say something in an interview and hope that angers you enough so you call me, that's not right. I could have been the first one to pick up the phone." He emphasized, placing a hand over his heart. "You're not the only one in the wrong here, Stevie."

"You didn't fire me from the band." She stated the obvious, fidgeting with the rings on her fingers. 

"Still, there are things you can be mad for, too. I'm not trying to play a victim here and I know sometimes it comes out that way, but there are so many things people don't know about, will never know about." She remained silent. "Stevie, I'm... I'm sorry, too." He stood up and somewhat carefully approached her. When she didn't look up, he sat down on the armrest and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, she leaned against his side. "You know, the fact that I was kicked out of the band wasn't what hurt me the most." She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she listened. "I thought, we were past all of that bullshit. We've been through so much worse. Yet, we couldn't work through some arguments, misunderstandings and a few snide comments."

"But everything adds up, Lindsey." Stevie spoke up, sniffling. "I thought, we were past all the bullshit, too. I believed that we were finally friends again after that long talk we had. The following tour was one of the best years of my life. We could actually stand each other offstage as well. We could talk to each other, we would joke and I loved that. But then slowly we fell back. You started avoiding me, you were mad at me, when I turned up five minutes late to the soundcheck, you criticized my performances." She gave a weak one shoulder shrug. "You know, how that made me feel? I felt like that same young, insecure girl, who had just joined a bunch of experienced musician boys." She hugged Lily close to her chest, when the pet sensed its mistress distress. "I'm not saying that was a good enough reason to tell the band, it's me or him, but you were pushing me farther away with each day and I didn't understand why. It hurt me." 

Instead of pulling away, Lindsey gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I'm, uh... I'm not ready to talk about that. Especially not today, because I don't want this to be the first and the last time we see each other."

Stevie frowned, so there was a reason after all. "Then you released and album with Christine." She continued. "No, actually, you released an album with the rest of Fleetwood Mac. Yes, I didn't want to record new material, but you could have picked someone else instead of Mick and John. It might not be right to say this, but it's how I felt. That wasn't the worst part though." She paused for a moment, then finished in a small voice. "You called it Buckingham McVie."

Lindsey sighed, closing his eyes. He knew, she had a problem with that. She had never said it out loud, but he knew. "It just..." He trailed off, unsure of how to really respond.

"Honestly, it felt like a slap across the face." Stevie said, when he remained quiet. "Our first ever record together is the most meaningful thing I have ever done. It's something I hold so near and dear to my heart. When I saw that title, I felt like it was you saying, see how easily replaceable you are?"

"Stevie, no." Lindsey shook his head. "That's the farthest thing from the truth. I agree, I didn't even stop to consider, how it might make you feel, but that title seemed right at the time. But I swear to you, I didn't do it on purpose, I didn't do it to hurt you."

"Yeah..." Stevie sighed. "Like I said, everything adds up." Only just now she tilted her chin up to look at him and Lindsey was surprised to see a weak smile on her face. "Are you hungry?"

That was the last question he'd expected from her. "You're not throwing me out of your house yet?"

"Not yet." Stevie said, shaking her head as she stood up.