Their love was about 'I am yours' but secretly they were just possessing the other with 'You're only mine.'
"I am obsessed with him, just him, you don't understand. No one can have him, he's all mine."
- Mania
"I desire him more than anything but...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
'Something'
There's something unsettling inside his heart, every now and then, whenever he looked at the brunette, he could feel these strange feelings knocking right at his heart, something he was unfamiliar with, something that scared him, something right at his throat as if he wanted to speak it out but his words could only be dissolved into a small smile.
Something that he couldn't control, that bothered him. Taehyun loved having control and dominance over things and situations but now, it was something in the air that he couldn't fully breathe in or fully breathe out, it was suffocating him.
He couldn't understand what it was but he knew that it had something to do with Beomgyu. Both of them had already declared that they were in love months before, he was familiar with love but this felt different. The concept was familiar but it was more intense, he also felt insecure. At the beginning of their relationship, he was confident, he was confident that he wouldn't lose Beomgyu but now, it's different. It is like when you finally get something you love, you handle it with so much care the first few days and then slowly it is as if you lose the importance of it and become more careless. Beomgyu hadn't lost his importance, in fact, he had gained more significance but Taehyun is scared, what if he becomes careless for a hot second and then he has to watch as Beomgyu slips off, again.
Although he had forgiven the older, that incident did leave a mark. It was never brought up in conversations but he always thought about it, what if- no, he'd not like to think about it. And what is this, feel, feel, feel, every here and there, he was fed up with his mind messing around with him, it was so unusual and frustrating, he was the one manipulating his thoughts not the other way round. His vocabulary shifted, his behaviour changed for the most part, it felt like he was losing a part of himself, it angered him to the mind fuck levels, tormenting.
...
He had brought Beomgyu back from his parents' house, and right into their apartment, he wasn't excited, yes he was happy to see the older, but certainly out of words, he was alone all these days when he was anticipating the other's arrival, but now he wasn't thrilled rather, he wanted to be alone. Taehyun frowned at his reflection in the entrance mirror, no, he wasn't happy either, he looked down at his phone, half past twelve, he sighed, the weight never getting off his shoulders, "I am sorry, I need to go."
"Where? It's midnight!" "KTH" Taehyun avoided his eyes, he needed some time alone, he knows he might end up doing something wrong to Beomgyu incase he gets overwhelmed by his emotions, which lately have been throwing him around into rollercoasters. "Are you okay?" Beomgyu tried to grab his shoulder but his concern was shrugged off by Taehyun as he stepped back, "Yeah, don't worry I'll be back by tomorrow morning," he sounded dismissive, as if wanting to get over the conversation and just be off. Beomgyu didn't want to anger him, so he simply nodded and the younger just disappeared from his sight without any other word.
The incoming doctor senses, told Beomgyu that the blonde was hiding something from him, fuck that, his human sense were telling him so too, it was obvious behaviour, anyone could point that out. There was something bothering the younger, that he didn't want to talk about, Taehyun wasn't good at hiding his feelings, although he was good at manipulating others' emotions and thoughts, he failed to understand himself to such extents.
...
Kth, although sounds clichè for most, that isn't the case for him, no matter what the situation was, he always found comfort in it's walls, secure that the roof above him wouldn't fall down, not as a reality but rather as a concept, the building might fall down but the sentiments attached to it would never be buried. He saw his imagination come to real life, he had put his blood, sweat and tears into this one project which in today's date was one of the most sought after fashion companies, it didn't take him years to build his reputation, although the fame of his parents brought him to the spotlight, the attention is temporary if your performance lacks, but Kang didn't let that happen, he took full advantage of the power at hand and multiplied it with trust.
But today, as he enters the empty building he doesn't feel at peace, the city has fallen asleep, but he still felt uncomfortable in his own skin, heck, would he be able to sleep! He turned the lights on, trying to get in contact with himself, it wasn't a problem rather a condition which needed a solution, a problem compulsorily has something to solve within it, he doesn't even know if the condition he is in, needs to be solved or to accepted. All he knows is that, he doesn't feel very good and needs to get back on track, otherwise it'll affect his productivity, and what not. He is scared that he might hurt Beomgyu, no matter how much you love someone, at times of anger and frustration you might lose control, it sometimes leads to outcomes you never wish you saw.
It's a real threat to peace, for temporary feels he might disrupt the permanent peace he wished for. Anger was never good with him, it controlled him, he didn't like that, he asked for help for the first time, he had booked an appointment with a psychologist, to his very disappointment, she told him that he had become vulnerable to his emotions, upon hearing her words he lost his cool and left the place, with every ounce of disrespect, which he later felt guilty about and apologized, the apology was accepted with a smile but he didn't want to go back. Having told that he was vulnerable, pfft- she must be kidding, no, she is not, you are vulnerable, emotions take the better out of you.
No! He simply wasn't ready to acknowledge it, and why would he, it sounded as if he was incapable or something,'vulnerable to my emotions, what does she even mean?', he knew damn too well what she meant, he even knew it was the truth but it wasn't so easy to accept this truth, it's supposed to be bitter.
Two years later he finally accepted that he indeed was incapable of managing his emotions, especially the negative ones, but it was still difficult for him to ask for help, he felt ashamed that he had to be this weak to take advise from someone else, advice is fine in the business world but for his emotions? No. Shame on him that he'd even think of that. Fuck, he was aware that mental problems exists, he was fully in support of people who need mental help, he didn't look down on other people with such problems, he didn't insult a person with depression asking for help, but where does this awareness go when talks to himself?! Throwing constant insults, calling himself derogatory words, why is it different when it comes to himself?
He had been alone all his life, friends didn't exist and the one that did exist was away in another country with minimal communication, his parents were always busy with work, he didn't have a parental equation with his parents, rather they simply his guardians who could provide him economically, don't get them wrong either, they loved him, he was and is very dear to them, but they forgot to differentiate between boundaries, they forgot to find the balance between work and family. And parenting is a one time experience, you never know where you went wrong until it's too late and everything is doomed, you can't blame them either, they thought they were doing just fine, not had little Taehyun brought it up nor did they think about it.
"It'd be better if there wasn't a tomorrow, right?" Taehyun thought as he looked down at penknife at one of the employees desk.
...
Another episode done!
Why are there more unwritten sad endings that unwritten happy endings? Maybe because we seek comfort in stories, maybe because we don't want our sorrows to exist in world where happy ever after is a possibility, just maybe- there are countless reasons as to why many books end with a grateful smiling you. The reason I'd give you a happy ending is because maybe after reading a sad ending, you might still yearn over the possibility that they could have ended up together under a happy roof, a part of you might not be satisfied with tears, and that it just got ruined because of conflict which could have been avoided, and also solely because we all deserve a happy ending. Not saying I might give you one, what if i wanted to play the devil on whom you'd curse on?
The ending has already been thought of, nothing will influence how this story will end.
