Their love was about 'I am yours' but secretly they were just possessing the other with 'You're only mine.'
"I am obsessed with him, just him, you don't understand. No one can have him, he's all mine."
- Mania
"I desire him more than anything but...
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Hospitals were meant to be Beomgyu's thing, something that's normal to him, his work environment but there's nothing normal or usual about it this time. All it does is make his heart beat in fear. It's been two hours since Taehyun entered the ICU and for those two hours, Beomgyu has been crying. It hurts him to see Tae like that, it breaks him even. A fucking nineteen-year-old having a heart attack, he doesn't know who to blame, he doesn't know what to feel, he knows nothing except for the fact that this was wrong, very wrong.
Never in his life had he been so angry, sad and scared, all at the same time, he knew this wasn't an outcome of one incident but something that had been building up over time. Angry at whatever it was that contributed to this, sad because he couldn't shed enough tears to make things go back to normal and fucking scared because he doesn't know how things in the future will look like for them, for him- the man that was in the ICU for the past two hours. Taehyun was indeed a weak man with an even weaker heart but this time, the statement doesn't bring a smile to anyone's face.
It pains him because all this while, he thought Taehyun was happy just busy and emotionally closed off, he was genuinely not okay, physically, mentally and emotionally. Something was wrong and he didn't even know, seemingly he only cared if he had the love and attention, he so desperately wanted. He blames himself for not being helpful enough, if only he had been more persuasive, he saw Taehyun live that unhealthy life of his yet he didn't do a thing about it.
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," he very well remembers the blonde quoting the absolutes of a healthy life but he himself rarely would follow these, Beomgyu knew, 'I fucking knew,' but he chose to believe otherwise because how else could the younger lead a perfect materialistic life if not for his so-called proper routines, if he wasn't following them in front of him, he probably acted on these away from him because Kang Taehyun is a perfect man, it only makes sense for him to have a perfect life as well. How foolish.
...
"Choi Beomgyu?" he jerks his head up hoping for it to be a doctor or nurse, disappointed that it wasn't, although he doesn't recognise the stranger in front of him, he feels like he is facing a mirror, his physical state is all too familiar, red eyes still streaming with tears, grief and sorrow painted across his face, "It's me, Jaemin," the man chokes out. Beomgyu lets out an exasperated sigh at this, pushing his face into his hands, "what?" he feels his eyes warm up again, he did not want to do this.
"Do you remember me?" 'this isn't the time for a short talk,' before Beomgyu could yell this at him, he gets interrupted by a woman years older than him, from the psychiatry ward- the badge on her coat said. "Glad to see you Jaemin," she offered a sombre smile, which neither Jaemin nor Beomgyu reciprocated, but Jaemin nodded in recognition. "Please follow me," she requested Jaemin and began walking, blatantly ignoring Beomgyu. "Come along," Jaemin whispered, as he began walking too, Beomgyu did not want to comply but something told him that it was about Taehyun, so he followed stumbling forward.
