August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 56--"yeah I'm here. I live here now" - February 5th, 2020

Warnings ⚠: Child Abuse, Rape, Violence, Religion, Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Use of Slurs, Homophobia, Bullying, Mention of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Actions, Gun Use.

Josiah's P.O.V.

-Monday, November 8th-

After school, we walk out of the school and Damien brings me to his motorcycle.

Something tells me that I really shouldn't get on the bike. It never feels safe, but right now... It feels really not safe!

Maybe because I can't go one minute without worrying about Damien killing himself.

But he wouldn't let me get hurt. He wouldn't risk anything when I'm with him...right?

"I don't want to ride the motorcycle anymore. It's dangerous and I hate it. I wanna throw it off a bridge." I tell him, trying to be fun with it.

He isn't the least bit amused. I feel him glare at me and I wince.

"Well, then you can fucking walk home." He snaps at me.

"W-What...? Are you serious right now?" I take a step back, away from him.

I know that tone. I know that he is really, really upset.

He's not drunk, though. He's just being mean.

"You're always complaining about the motorcycle, and I'm fucking tired of it. So either quit bitching and get on or you can walk."

...Why is he upset about it all the sudden? Sure, the first couple times, he accused me of being too crazy about it, but... He hasn't gotten mad over it.

He isn't mad very often.

"O...Okay..." I give in to avoid an argument. I slip my helmet on.

I sit down behind him, linking my arms around his waist hesitantly.

The ride home feels like hell. His shoulders are tense and he doesn't interact with me at all.

We're usually always talking. Silence makes everything feel so weird.

I hate it.

As soon as he pulls into his garage, he gets off the motorcycle, still not looking at me or saying anything to me.

"Why are you being such a dick? What did I do?" I question, confused as hell. I feel a bit of anger burning in me, but I try to push it away.

This is bullshit.

He finally looks at me.

"What did you do?" He mutters, glaring so hard at me. I feel like there are lasers coming from his eyes.

He doesn't move from where he stands.

"Yeah. You're being mean all the sudden."

"I can't do this anymore, Josiah. We go from fighting to being happy to fighting again."

"I didn't start anything this time! Don't act like it's my fault somehow. Just because your dad died and your mom's an asshole, you're being mean."

It's unlike him. He usually tries to not be mean.

"Whatever. You would have started something anyway. I'm tired of having to hold stuff back all the time so we're not constantly fighting!"

"I've told you a million times that I can't change unless you actually do something. And I wasn't going to start anything. I decided to be nice to you, and I made yesterday as good as I could. I'm just not good enough for you, right? That's the thing."