August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 30- blarg

Warnings ⚠: Child Abuse, Rape, Violence, Religion, Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Use of Slurs, Homophobia, Bullying, Mention of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Actions, Gun Use

Josiah's P.O.V.

-Friday, October 15th-

What...?

Where's he going?

I need him.

He needs to keep me safe...

I need...to make sure he is okay. That's what is important.

I look at Ethan.

Damn.

I back off a bit. I think I should go find Damien.

"Damien!" I call for him, bolting off in the direction he went.

I need him.

I'm not sure where he went...

He wouldn't leave the building, would he? I hope not.

Classrooms would be filling up soon, so no one would dare to hide in one of them...

...The bathroom is a safe place.

I open the door to the men's bathroom that's nearby and call for him again, "Damien?"

He's here, standing by the sink.

He probably has blood on his hands. I imagine he's trying to wash it off.

"Are you okay? Why did you do that?!" I ask, but he doesn't answer me.

I walk up to him and desperately take his trembling hand, but he yanks his hand back away from me before I can try to comfort him.

He has been challenged by helping me calm down for so long, I just want to comfort him for once.

"I can't hurt you." He tells me in the most soft tone.

"Me? You wouldn't hurt me..." I remind him.

He seems really uncomfortable and upset.

I'm not good at this sort of stuff.

Something in me wants to go get a teacher, but I know that doing so would only make things worse. I already can't imagine what Logan might make his father do to Damien.

"Please hold my hand. I-I need you c-close...to me," I hold out my hand to him, "Please? You're the only one who makes me feel s-safe."

"Go away, Josiah!" He snaps, making me wince.

I think he has been pushed beyond the breaking point.

I feel my heart pound and tears come to my eyes, but I still can't leave him like this.

If I manage to bother him enough to get him to hit me, or whatever, then so be it. I'll still only feel safe with him. I'll still want him.

"I...I'm not going anywhere without you."

I feel so helpless, I don't know what to do.

What could I do to get his attention?

There's nothing I can do.

I burst into tears. "Damien..." I cry, really, really wanting a hug now.

When I start crying, he seems to get more upset. He doesn't appear to have any urge to pick himself up to calm me down, and he even seems angry. Knowing him, he is angry at himself, not me. Or, at least, that is what he would tell me.