MILK & WINE

CHAPTER 44: THE CONFESSION

A look of confusion and concern spread through his face as he cupped my face.

"Why are you crying?" He asked looking at my tears as his thumbs wiped them gently.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to stop the tears. I tried to speak but the tears had me choked.

"You don't like the plan?" I shook my head as I looked down. "Did I disturb your sleep?" I shook my head again. "Then what is it? You didn't like me being here?" He asked softly. I looked at him shocked. "Do you need more space?" He smiled at me.

Before he could say more, I wrapped my arms around his torso.

His arms embraced me back. I held him even tighter.

"You know what I hate most in this world?" He asked in his mellow voice. I shook my head trying to stop crying. "It's seeing my wife cry and not knowing what to do about it." He told me.

Pulled himself apart and looked at me with his eyes filled with love and adoration. He led me to the couch and made me sit.

I couldn't take my eyes off him fearing that all of this might end up being a dream or hallucination as tears streamed down my face, drying the source. He smiled at me once seated.

"You are the most cherished person in my life. No one and I mean it, no one, and nothing matters more than you." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "My business, my wealth, my reputation, honor, even me, nothing matters more than you." He took my hands in his and kissed them. "I stayed away because it was the best I could do for us. I want us to have a stable future. Without any complications, without any compromises. I want us to live to the fullest, travel the world, make memories and just love each other."

"Can't we do that now?" I asked him. He smiled sadly at me.
"I wish we could." He smiled sadly at me. I blinked at him.
"Why not?"

He looked away and took a deep breath. He leaned back on the couch.

"I have been reckless in the past. Too arrogant to acknowledge the danger that lurked around me even when it made itself known. I thought I was adamantine. I thought no one could go through me." He laughed but there was nothing merry about it. "I was a fool, a moron. I made enemies. Dangerous enemies. The ones who are held above the law, and the ones who can gain advantages from the laws. Before, I couldn't care less. I had nothing to lose. I was an idiot with a humungous ego. But now..." He turned and looked at me. Side of his mouth quirked in a smile. "I have everything." His smile fell from his face. "I live in a house of glass when everyone is against me holding a stone in their hands. These glass walls will break with one hit only and I am trying to secure my home."

"Is this why we left Canada in a rush?" I asked him. He nodded in response without meeting my eyes.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry but I am not the man you whose hand you took in marriage. I have court trials, debt, baggage... trauma," He whispered the last word but I caught it. "There is so much to tell you. I want to tell you but every time I try to do it I... can't." He covered his face with his hands. When he put them down again, I saw pent-up tiredness on his face. "I am a loser, I gambled with my happiness and peace at every point in life. I... don't deserve you." His voice dropped low as it cracked.

The crack in his voice caused an earthquake in my heart.

"Don't say that!" I grabbed his hand.
"It's true." He looked broken.

"When I asked Mom to ask for your hand in marriage, I thought I was a strong and stable man who could do anything and get away with it. I- overestimated myself. I was arrogant and blinded by conceit. I am not the man you accepted in marriage. I... know that you deserve better."