Living With The Game (Living Series #2)

Chapter 26

Mariin akong napasabunot sa sarili kong buhok nang hindi man lang pumasok sa isip ko lahat ng binabasa ko for our defense sa isang araw.

"Are you okay?" Napatingin ako kay Patrice nang magsalita ito, agad naman akong umiling at sinabing hindi nagfa-function ang pag-iisip ko ngayon. Napabuntong hininga na lang ito katulad ko.

It's been almost three days since that nightmare happened to me and William. After that, he keep on following me, texting me and calling for him to explain where in fact I already let him explain his side that night. Madalang kami magpansinan kahit lagi kaming magkasama. And now, I'm currently here at lagoon with him by my side. I can't feel anything but emptiness. Sariwa pa rin sa isip ko ang lahat.

"Joanna..." anito at naramdaman ang kamay nitong dumapo sa kamay ko. I let him hold my hand and intertwined his hand on it.

"Mahal kita, alam mo 'yan–"

"Talaga?" Putol ko sa kaniya 'tsaka ito nilingon at pilit ngumiti.

We both stared to each other's eyes, his eyes was full of apologies, convincing me for my forgiveness. Marahan kong ibinaba ang paningin ko sa kamay namin, at marahan ko ring inalis ang kamay roon.

"William, sobrang nadurog ako sa ginawa mo. At alam mo kung gaano mo ako nasaktan sa ginawa mo kasi... kasi alam mo kung gaano kita kamahal." Usal ko habang kagat ang pang ibaba kong labi, pinipilit na h'wag umiyak dahil kahit papaano ay may mga taong dumaraan.

"I didn't mean to do that," Puno ng emosyong usal nito at humarap sa akin. I refused to faced him at nanatili lamang na nakayuko.

"Yes you didn't, but the fact that you did that thing... that fucking hurts, William. That fucking broke me into pieces. We've been together for a long time, haven't you smell me? Touch me? Observed my feature para malaman na yung putanginang hinahalikan mo ay hindi ako?" Hingal na usal ko habang diretsong nakatingin sa kaniya dahil sa halo-halong emosyon na nararamdaman ko. 

"Tangina, William... hindi ako 'yon, ang layo ng features ko sa features niya, tapos hindi mo alam?!" Siya naman ngayon ang napayuko. 

"She was the one who-"

"Kiss you? Hugged you?" He didn't answer, "The fuck, William! Kahit pa sino sa inyo ang nauna, hindi mo dapat 'yon ginawa, kasi hindi 'yon tama, at mas lalong dapat alam mo na hindi ako 'yon."

"I'm sorry-"

"F*ck your apologies." Diretsong usal ko bago naglakad palayo.

Palayo nang palayo, ni hindi ko alam kung saan ako papunta, kung saan ba dapat ako pumunta. Until I realized, I was here at the waiting shed where I was harassed by men.

Mariin akong napakagat sa ibabang labi ko bago nanghihinang napasalampak sa sahig. I became so weak because of the mixed emotions that I'm feeling right now. Not until someone was seating in front of me. I looked up to see who it is, and it was William. Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko at tuluyan nang umiyak. He tried to reach my face pero agad kong tinabig ang kamay niya. 

"William... nasasaktan ako." Usal ko sa kalagitnaan ng aking paghahagulgol. 

"It's my fault, allow me to fix my mistakes, please." He then said before hugging me and I let him. Dahil wala na akong lakas pa upang magpumiglas.

"It's hard to accept your apologies, William. I cannot believe you made mistake that ruined our relationship. I can't believe on what you have done, I can't believe you cheated on me, all I did was to trust you." 

How am I even going to accept his apologies and forgive him? I cannot even accept what he did, I cannot accept the words he told me... his explanation broke me into pieces.

It's been almost two weeks after my last personal conversation with him. Nagkikita kami pero hindi kami nag-uusap, sabay kami kumain ng lunch because of our friends. We are only talking to each other at messager and text messages. Pero matumal yung pag-uusap namin. Hindi ko na rin alam kung ano na ba ang dapat kong maramdaman. Ewan ko ba, sobrang hirap tanggapin kung anong klaseng pagkakamali yung nagawa niya. Siguro nga tama na rin 'to, we need to take a rest.

Napabuntong-hininga ako bago pinanood ang mga students na dumaraan. William texted me to wait here. And I did, whether I'm ready to face him or not, if he wanted to, I will face him. Besides, after all he did... siya pa rin 'yung lalaki na una kong minahal. 

It was almost thirty minutes pero wala pa ring William na dumarating. Naka-upo pa rin ako sa bench dito sa Lagoon, pero ni anino ni William ay hindi ko mahaginap. Unti-unti na ring nauubos ang mga tao rito sa campus, wala pa rin. I checked my phone kung may message ba ito, pero wala rin. Muli akong napabuntong hininga bago napag-desisyunang umuwi nalang. I just texted him na we'll meet next time.

Sumakay ako ng bus bago tuluyang umuwi at ginawa ang lahat ng bagay na pwedi kong gawin. Naglinis ng kwarto, nagbasa-basa ng notes, naglaro, kumain at tuluyan na ngang humiga 'tsaka hinintay ang sarili na makatulog dahil sa pagod. 

Kinabukasan, I saw him on the entrance of the campus. He's probably waiting for me. 

I was about to approach him when I noticed that he's not even looking at me kahit na papalapit ako sa kanya. Marahan akong naglakad just for him to notice my presence pero wala, he might be waiting for someone else. 

The whole day was a normal day. Normal day o sadyang wala lang ako sa mood makinig sa mga naging discussion ng mga professors? Naalala ko last week, I wasn't even in the mood preparing for our defense pero mabuti nalang nariyan si Patrice to cheer me up and mock me para lang matauhan ako. Thankful enough though, our defense was successful. And next week naman ay finals na.

"Let's go?" Ani Patrice, giving me a smile, dahilan para mapangiti rin ako.

This girl really amazed me, she was always there for me, kahit na she's facing conflicts as well. 

"Guess what happened earlier this morning." Mahinang usal ko habang kumakain kami sa rito sa Dela Paz Food. 

"What happened?" She then asked while drinking her milkshake.

"He ignored me," 

Mapait akong napangiti 'tsaka napayuko sa pagkain ko.

Ganun nalang ba 'yon? I wasn't expecting that to happen. I'm not even pushing him away from me, I was just distancing myself because what he did was unbelievable and hurtful. He broke me, he hurts me, does he even realize all of those? 

Patrice decided to go home matapos naming mag-usap tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Habang ako, heto... dumiretso sa seaside.