Two Missing Daughters

Chapter 35

Photo: Olga, Anastasia and Tatiana 1914 (?)

March 1914

I lay in bed in the sick room because i caught Measles, they think i got it from Tatiana but that's impossible, i have been kept in a separate room away from my sister's only Mama is here with me and nurses me. Tatiana is feeling a little better now but still recovering from Typhoid. My sister's write me letters every time mostly from Maria or Olga, they say how Anastasia has been very mischievous since i was sick and Maria thinks she's just distracting the people from worrying about us.

I mostly read books every time im bored since im not allowed to knit or sew. Mama sits beside me and reads out loud to me, i mostly fell asleep whenever she's reading to me, she reads to me in a soft comforting voice.  "Sofia Nikolaevna, the Tsarevich has something for you" Charlotte stated as she handed me out the folded paper. I looked at it and it was a drawing of us playing in the field with Anastasia, in the bottom it says "I hope you get better soon my dearest sister so we can play in the field with Vicky again! God bless you -Alyosha❤️"  i held the drawing in my chest and smiled. He's so sweet i have to get better for him because Papa says he doesn't want to eat without me and that he is losing weight. I have to let him know that im fine and trying to recover.

I looked over at mama who was knitting beside me and said, "Ma can you write a letter for me?" She looks at me and nods her head and went over to get a paper and a pen. She sat back down and says, "Who are you writing to? And what do you want me to write?" I then proceeded to tell her everything i want to tell Alexei as well as my sister's. "That is so sweet my dear daughter they'll be so happy to receive a letter from you after a month" Mama smiled, my eyes widen in shock, a month!? Thats how long i've been sick? And yet my fever is still high and it wont go down no matter how many medications i take. "Is there something wrong my dear? Are you feeling any pain in your body?" Mama asks as she walked over to me and putted her hand in my forehead. "No Mom im fine can i please have some tea?" I smiled.

I lay in bed drinking my tea and looked up to the boring white ceiling. What are the things you usually do when your bored? I sometimes read or play chess with Olga or sometimes paint! I love painting flowers especially Rose or Daisy they're my favourite i have thousands of photographs of flowers most of them are the flowers of Livadia. I miss Livadia, what are the things you miss the most? I wish i can go and just look at the outside world even for just 5 seconds. Sometimes i hate being royalty sometimes i dont. But why do you hate being royalty? Because i couldn't even act myself in public i always have to act happy and graceful as the daughter of the Tsar, the smiles i show in public are all fake well sometimes not. Fella i wish i was a happy im too afraid to open up my feelings to my family. If your going to a tough time you are not alone and stay strong dont give up. Im here for you.

I have to go now im getting sleepy because i took some medicine and they make me fall asleep, what if they're sleeping pill. Anyways goodbye for now i'll see you soon i hope you stay with me throughout this journey. See you around the Palace halls! -Love: Sofia Romanova